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# shoot them
they are vermin.

unless they are red squirrels, in which case you're ver lucky.

but if they are greys then shoot them.
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 8:57, archived)
# No no no no no no no
the ex-Mrs. V shot a squirrel in our back yard with an air rifle once and it was horrible, it took hours to die, even after I tried to send it on its way. Just staring, and silently screaming, lying on its back doing 360s while its tail frantically pinwheeled.

The squirrels won that war, as not another shot was fired.
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 9:00, archived)
# Mrs S dad shoots squirrels
but he uses a real gun

I don't want to hurt them, I just want them to stop digging up our bulbs, clambering over my BBQ, and staring at Mrs S with their cold dead eyes like they are about to pounce on her
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 9:02, archived)
# Yeah that's what drove us to it
Their destruction of my mary j plant was the catalyst. I'd read on the internet that the one thing guaranteed to keep squirrels out of your garden is, well, bits of dead squirrel and quantities of squirrel blood - they tend to avoid the area because they think there's a predator there.

Did it work? Did it fuck.
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 9:05, archived)
# that's just poor shooting
you need a clean kill everytime.
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 9:07, archived)
# she's a farm girl, this was right in the head
there was blood jetting out from between its eyes

then I tried to finish it off by smashing its head with a log

its head got much flatter but no more dead
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 9:11, archived)
# crikey
have you thought about humane capture traps, then release them miles away from where you live?

a friends mum used to capture them in the humane capture traps, drop it in a water butt and put the lid on til the noises had finished.
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 9:15, archived)
# Nah
moved house, it's easier
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 9:16, archived)
# :'(
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 9:17, archived)
# drowning
is apparently the preferred method of despatch by the forestry commission. It's supposed to be a quick/clean/cheap way of doing it.

Technically though, being vermin, you could flay them alive with sharp sticks because the normal animal cruelty laws don't apply. *



* Do NOT take this as legal advice.
(I helped save b3ta! Linbox has a serious dunk habit, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 9:22, archived)
# Agreed
Or at the very least, have the courage to despatch the hairy fucker with a spade if you only wing it.

I've picked a couple off the roof of my house with a .177 after they started shitting in our loft and ate through the insulation on the water tank, jamming the filler valve and flooding the house while we were on holiday.

Shooting really is too good for 'em.
(I helped save b3ta! Linbox has a serious dunk habit, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 9:13, archived)
# see above - this thing was pretty indestructible
I made every effort to despatch it, it just wouldn't die
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 9:16, archived)
# mutant
sounds like you saved humanity from a chromosome challenged mutation. They normally just die the minute you hit them...

(I helped save b3ta! Linbox has a serious dunk habit, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 9:20, archived)