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# Bring it back.
Cricket is ace.
Now, hold this bat and defend yourself - and your stumps - while I throw this ball at you at roughly 100mph.
You'll work out where it's heading about 10 milliseconds before it shatters your ribs.
Or skull.
(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 18:37, archived)
# STOP MAKING CRICKET SOUND EXCITING
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 18:43, archived)
# This'll never work they always work out the amazing speed of tennis balls being shot at and the speed of some footballer's kick.
All irrelevant.
(I helped save b3ta! Christian's Bolt and Ski, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 18:45, archived)
# shooting tennis balls at footballers, now thats sport
(I helped save b3ta! Rebel biscuit stercore sumus et nos esse novimus, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 18:54, archived)
# /sponsors
(I helped save b3ta! Christian's Bolt and Ski, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 19:00, archived)
# And then clap quietly as the old people piss themselves
As one man bowls but no one gives a toss.
(I helped save b3ta! Christian's Bolt and Ski, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 18:43, archived)
# This is the other side of cricket, equally ace.
Stroll down to the ground on a Sunday, read the paper while nibbling on a variety of cheeses, cold meats, pickles etc, get slowly rat-arsed and occasionally contribute to a ripple of applause.
(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 18:53, archived)
# Well I'm not really too bitter. Though I was scarred as a lad by an old sod yelling at me for talking during one dull game at Headingley.
Rat-arsed is rat-arsed though I wouldn't mind that.
(I helped save b3ta! Christian's Bolt and Ski, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 18:59, archived)
# I feel your pain.
I was at a Warwickshire game roughly 20 years ago,
and a bucket came round. They were making a collection for Gladstone Small, who was retiring at the end of the season.
I said - too loudly - "What? Are they gonna buy him a neck?"
I was dead pleased with myself for half a second, until the chorus of tutting old men started up...
(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 19:07, archived)
# Hahaha
(I helped save b3ta! Grampa, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 19:45, archived)
# I had to search but arf!
I can only say I haven't really bothered with sport really. Cricket especially. The one game I went to never grabbed me but I suppose booze would make it miles better.
(I helped save b3ta! Christian's Bolt and Ski, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 19:59, archived)
# There's no pressure to actually watch the game.
Just get slowly trollied while pretending to do the crossword or something.
(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 20:04, archived)
# I can do that.
Very easily.
(I helped save b3ta! Christian's Bolt and Ski, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 20:18, archived)
# You left out 'Stand around kicking your feet for 10 hours like a nonce'
(I helped save b3ta! monkdagola but how do you TURN a phrase?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 18:56, archived)
# Well, you bring a book, obviously.
Behaving like a nonce is your own business.
(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 19:01, archived)
# Any sport where you can spend ten hours drinking while you watch it gets my vote.
(I helped save b3ta! An Eagle in Your Mind, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 19:38, archived)
# No, this is a part of "playing" cricket
not spectating, I can drink and watch any sport.
(I helped save b3ta! monkdagola but how do you TURN a phrase?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 20:30, archived)