Second handAll dates from when I was at university ca. 1990. I can't remember the names of the protaganists so we'll call them Will and Richard. Oh hang on, that was their names. They're in the same hall of residence together.
One day Will borrows Richard car and drives across campus to go and visit someone in another hall. Richard walks across campus with a spare set of keys and drives his car back. Will comes out, car gone, walks back and apologises to Richard who gives him the whole 'you fucker, it wasn't insured for theft etc.' thing for the rest of the day before letting him in on the joke. Will laughs it off, and plans his revenge.
About two weeks later Will walks into Richards room with an ounce of grass he's just bought and skins up. They are sitting smoking a spliff when there's a knock at the door. 'Who is it?' says Richard as they open windows and chucking the gear into a drawer. 'The police,' comes the reply. Richard opens the door and they come in, telling him they suspect he's been dealing in dope. The 'police' are in fact two friends of Will from back home. One is in uniform and one is in plain clothes and look convincing (so convincing that at least one other person in hall flushes his grass down the toilet).
Anyway, the 'police' find the gear in the drawer and tell Richard they are arresting him and Will for possession with intent. Richard is really worried at this point, and happily blabbing that the grass is Will's. The 'police' have none of it and escort them from the building. Just as they get out the front of the hall, Will makes a run for it from the 'police' and jumps into a car which his friend Mike is (all planned) just pulling into the car park with. Richard is yelling at Will not to be a fool etc.
Will peels off at high speed, and the 'police' and Richard get into another car and race off after them.
One 'high speed pursuit' later ends up at a village pub where all is revealed to Richard.
(One day Will borrows Richard car and drives across campus to go and visit someone in another hall. Richard walks across campus with a spare set of keys and drives his car back. Will comes out, car gone, walks back and apologises to Richard who gives him the whole 'you fucker, it wasn't insured for theft etc.' thing for the rest of the day before letting him in on the joke. Will laughs it off, and plans his revenge.
About two weeks later Will walks into Richards room with an ounce of grass he's just bought and skins up. They are sitting smoking a spliff when there's a knock at the door. 'Who is it?' says Richard as they open windows and chucking the gear into a drawer. 'The police,' comes the reply. Richard opens the door and they come in, telling him they suspect he's been dealing in dope. The 'police' are in fact two friends of Will from back home. One is in uniform and one is in plain clothes and look convincing (so convincing that at least one other person in hall flushes his grass down the toilet).
Anyway, the 'police' find the gear in the drawer and tell Richard they are arresting him and Will for possession with intent. Richard is really worried at this point, and happily blabbing that the grass is Will's. The 'police' have none of it and escort them from the building. Just as they get out the front of the hall, Will makes a run for it from the 'police' and jumps into a car which his friend Mike is (all planned) just pulling into the car park with. Richard is yelling at Will not to be a fool etc.
Will peels off at high speed, and the 'police' and Richard get into another car and race off after them.
One 'high speed pursuit' later ends up at a village pub where all is revealed to Richard.
shavedchimp something something oranges something,
Thu 27 Nov 2003, 18:27,
archived)
The Longest LieIt was the time of the the second Gulf War and I was disgruntled with work and I'd used up all my holiday entitlement. I had a brainwave. Why not say I'm a member of the T.A. and say I got called up to go to the Gulf. Through a series of hoax emails and paperwork I got two months off of work, all paid for. While my work colleagues thought I was being Laurence of Arabia I was in actual fact staying with my cousin in Spain. To this day no one has ever caught on.
(,
Thu 27 Nov 2003, 19:13,
archived)