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# Lies
A mate of mine uses this line/lie when he's trying to pick up girl's. But be warned, this is only good if they've had a few drinks, or are clearly IQ challenged.

99% of the time, the girl will ask my mate (at some stage) what he does for work. His reply, and completely straightfaced, is that he is the person who paints the big black lines on the bottom of 50 metre-plus swimming pools. But he has to do this job after the pool has already been filled with water. Its a classic watching the girls mentally struggle trying to figure it out. Eventually they ask why he doesn't paint the line before the pool is filled. His reply is that if that happened, then he'd be out of a job! Again it usually takes a minut or two for the girls in question to mull this over. Believe it or not he has actually picked up a few times using this.

Another job he 'has' is being a turtle breeder, but he hasn't scored once using this...
(, Fri 28 Nov 2003, 5:03, archived)
# We used to use 1 of 2 pick-up lines
but these only seem to work in posh towns like Wilmslow etc:
1)
Girl: what do you do then:
You: you know those white mile stones you see on the side of the road every now and again? well I check there accurate and re-paint them!

2)
Girl: what do you do then:
You: you know when your driving along and there's some temporary roadwork's and there's some bloke with a sign that says 'STOP' and 'GO' that's what I do!

As I said these only seem to work in posh towns, god knows why but the girls seem to like a bit of rough
(, Fri 28 Nov 2003, 8:28, archived)
# I went through a similar 1-year phase of
making up jobs

I think tube-driver was the most fun for some reason (you just pess 'stop' and 'go' - easy!).

And it's amazing what some women tell you if you tell them you're a Gynaecologist.
(, Fri 28 Nov 2003, 11:30, archived)
# Chat Up Lines
Got a few dates once by saying that for a job I was a:

1. Spirit Level Bubble Inserter
2. Dolphin Trainer
3. Biscuit Designer

God I was pathetic....
(, Fri 28 Nov 2003, 11:34, archived)
# I dunno
I quite like the sound of biscuit designer.

I think I'll add it to my repertoire.
(, Fri 28 Nov 2003, 11:37, archived)
# Biscuit Designer
Some retard actually believed that I was the person responsible for the holes in the outside of Bourbons and that I had a patent on it...
(, Fri 28 Nov 2003, 11:50, archived)
# jobs
For some reason when drunk i do this a lot.

I managed to convince people that I was a Cardiothoracic Surgeon once, then told them I was 21 (not a lie), they started questioning how I managed to be a surgeon at such a young age, told them I was a bit like Dogie Howser.

Also after falling over a lot when drunk one night, told the guy I was with not to worry about my falling over because I was a trained stunt woman and knew how to fall without hurting myself.
(, Fri 28 Nov 2003, 12:52, archived)
# I have said
that I'm a cutlery designer before now. That has worked as it has the bonus of probably being a real job.

On the back of it I have actually got some innovative cutlery designs if anyone's interested.
(, Fri 28 Nov 2003, 10:51, archived)