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# Just for kicks, I mailed this letter.

To the offices of General Mills cereal,

Hello and good day, I am a regular consumer of your fine breakfast cereals such as Trix, Lucky Charms, and many other delightful General Mills foods. For about fifteen years now I have promised myself to eat at least one bowl of cereal per month, and I can happily say I am a healthier, leaner me because of it.

However, in recent times I have become worried about something, and I have started to avoid one of your finest confections...specifically Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

You see, by a strange fluke of tradition I was given the birthname Simon Toast Crunch. (Yes, that is my real name in all honesty). I have been afraid, however, to sign it as my name for fear of copyright infringement against your establishment. Currently I am using the pseudonym Wallace Hobthrot, but I would like to be able to call myself by my legal name again. My sister says my assumed name makes me sound like some sort of Hobbit! But I haven't got hairy feet (well, maybe a little).

I would most appreciate your opinion on this matter.

Sincerely yours,
-To be decided-

P.S. I have never met General Mills, what war did he fight in?
(I helped save b3ta! Digeridude Lord Wellington's Beef Trapeze, Tue 13 Jan 2004, 3:32, archived)
# hahahahh
that is brilliant!

you should have also asked if General Mills fought along side General Motors
(I helped save b3ta! rawr isn't really here., Tue 13 Jan 2004, 3:33, archived)
# on the joint chiefs
with General Electric
and
Admiral Behavior
(The Scone from U.N.C.L.E., Tue 13 Jan 2004, 3:36, archived)
# Corporal Ethereal?
(I helped save b3ta! Digeridude Lord Wellington's Beef Trapeze, Tue 13 Jan 2004, 3:37, archived)
# Captain erm
ummm,
i'll think of somethign witty in a moment
hmmm,
Captain Cock!
(I helped save b3ta! StickFigureNinja is worried he may be on the list, Tue 13 Jan 2004, 3:39, archived)
# Private Public?
General Specific?
Colonel Corn?
Major Minor?
(I helped save b3ta! Digeridude Lord Wellington's Beef Trapeze, Tue 13 Jan 2004, 3:40, archived)
# Shirley it's
Private Parts
and
Major Look
(I helped save b3ta! Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Tue 13 Jan 2004, 3:44, archived)
# How about
Colonel Ingus
(I helped save b3ta! Digeridude Lord Wellington's Beef Trapeze, Tue 13 Jan 2004, 3:52, archived)
# Corporal Punishment
..was always avoided
(Caleefornian, Tue 13 Jan 2004, 3:53, archived)
# teen?
(Cheril, Tue 13 Jan 2004, 3:54, archived)
# No, then I'd get arrested.
(I helped save b3ta! Digeridude Lord Wellington's Beef Trapeze, Tue 13 Jan 2004, 3:59, archived)
# The Franco-American War.
(I helped save b3ta! Sexy Picard 2000, Tue 13 Jan 2004, 3:34, archived)
# haha
it sounds like you have either already read this, or you would like it.

www.asofterworld.com/oqindex.html
(malepillpt13, Tue 13 Jan 2004, 3:45, archived)
# Just read your profile
I live right next to a town/village called Belmont just south of London, in answer to your question.
(I helped save b3ta! Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Tue 13 Jan 2004, 3:56, archived)
# thanks
I always thought it was just a combination of belfast and montville, but that seemed strangely silly for a town founded a few hundred years ago. Maine does have clever names like "the presumpscot river" and "cat mousam road".
(malepillpt13, Tue 13 Jan 2004, 3:59, archived)