'Sombre staccato,'he said, right out of the blue.
'Sombre who?'
'You heard.'
I could tell by the seed of a grin that was germinating on his face that he was winding me up.
'You need medication,' I replied, a sneer growing on my lips like an unhealthy porcupine.
'Ha, look at you, trying to be self-referential!' he retorted, his head glowing a multi-hued reed-green tinge as his arm, fully 9 inches long, sprayed insecticide on my goldfish.
'Bugger off you, stop with the crappy prose'
Eh?
You can't talk to me like that, I'm writing this friggin' story!!
'Piss off, talantless fuckwit!!' I said, a low gravelly voice neatly masking my body odour.
Jesus, I can't believe it, my own story hijacked by an underdeveloped character!!
'Muhahaha!!' Now I had him, he was ready to break like a stainless steel chicken.
('Sombre who?'
'You heard.'
I could tell by the seed of a grin that was germinating on his face that he was winding me up.
'You need medication,' I replied, a sneer growing on my lips like an unhealthy porcupine.
'Ha, look at you, trying to be self-referential!' he retorted, his head glowing a multi-hued reed-green tinge as his arm, fully 9 inches long, sprayed insecticide on my goldfish.
'Bugger off you, stop with the crappy prose'
Eh?
You can't talk to me like that, I'm writing this friggin' story!!
'Piss off, talantless fuckwit!!' I said, a low gravelly voice neatly masking my body odour.
Jesus, I can't believe it, my own story hijacked by an underdeveloped character!!
'Muhahaha!!' Now I had him, he was ready to break like a stainless steel chicken.
djol,
Tue 4 Feb 2003, 1:47,
archived)
Like a stainless steel chickenshe rose upon the morn, bringing new life to the world with the fruits of her labours, and then, indeed, Farmer Jones did notice her. He gathered her into his arms, his great hands caressing her slender neck, before tightening in passion...
Crack
'Mmmm, this'll make a good pie' he did comment.
(Crack
'Mmmm, this'll make a good pie' he did comment.
Lethe is carrying a spade. SPANG.,
Tue 4 Feb 2003, 1:56,
archived)
he did commentwhich was very lucky because before he went out his wife had told him "When come back bring pie"
( AzToTheRescue The arsehole formally known as Az The S slur,
Tue 4 Feb 2003, 1:59,
archived)
"when come back bring pie"It was all he ever heard from her these days, pie, pie, bloody pie! If she didn't shut up about the pie she was going to end up in..... That's when the idea struck him, and there was no turning back.
(
supermoore: HUNG,
Tue 4 Feb 2003, 2:06,
archived)
Turning backto face herself in the mirror, Elly stared at her reflection for several long minutes. Chittering noises flickered in and out of hearing, just on the edge of perception. Her vision began to distort, the lights seemingly stretching and rocking and just the flicker of a shadow. Fighting a rising surge of panic, Elly stepped from the bathroom into the hall.
(
Ratsta,
Tue 4 Feb 2003, 2:17,
archived)
The Hall Effect?'I can't remember the bloody Hall Effect!' I cried, staring blearily at Martine over my third glass of port. Port it may have been, but my insides were trying to convince me that the innocuous ruby liquid I had been imbibing had more in common with tile grouter than fortified wine. The stunt flight my stomach appeared to be starring in climaxed at that moment with a full-bodied Immelman; Port indeed.
( Lethe is carrying a spade. SPANG.,
Tue 4 Feb 2003, 2:22,
archived)
"Port indeed,"the Captain assured me.
"You're sure? You're absolutely positive you want me to steer to port?"
"That's right"
"And that sodding great iceberg doesn't dissuade you from this new course heading?"
"Iceberg? What Ice..."
And that's when the Titanic hit it. It was their own fault really, letting me drive. I am a woman, after all.
("You're sure? You're absolutely positive you want me to steer to port?"
"That's right"
"And that sodding great iceberg doesn't dissuade you from this new course heading?"
"Iceberg? What Ice..."
And that's when the Titanic hit it. It was their own fault really, letting me drive. I am a woman, after all.
djol,
Tue 4 Feb 2003, 2:29,
archived)
I am a woman, after allSamuel blithely said to me, before attempting to crush my skull with a solid iron mallet. 'Arfgh' I wittily replied, my mind more on tryingf to figure out how events had conspired to reach this impasse.
We had been sleepily sunbathing, passing through the hottest hours of the day in sweet indolence, when out of the blue, Samuel asked me to marry him. Samuel had been my friend since childhood, yet had never really recovered from the blow to his head he received after falling a-fowl, quite literally, of the machine the French were using to test the ability of new designs of aeroplanes to cope with a mid-air collision of the avain kind during our annual college field trip. Unfortunately for poor Samuel, and indeed myself due to said proposal, the poor French blighters were using frozen chickens in their tests, doubly stupid, since it is unlikely you will ever encounter a chicken at twenty thousand feet, since said birds are flightless, let alone a frozen chicken. Slowly easing myself into a crouch, I cautiously replied to my poultry-deluded friend 'I'm frightfully flattered by your offer old chap, but surely that is a little out of the question, me being male and all?'
Samuel turned to me, his eyes taking on that look that only those either truly enlightened or insane own, his left eyebrow twitching slightly in an hypnotic rhythm as he calmly returned 'Oh no, darling, for I am a woman after all'
My musings had left me open however, and I felt the full force of the mallet of my wouldbe fiance, or is it fiancee in his currently deluded state? 'Tis but a scratch' I valiantly declaimed, before succumbing to the darkness.
(We had been sleepily sunbathing, passing through the hottest hours of the day in sweet indolence, when out of the blue, Samuel asked me to marry him. Samuel had been my friend since childhood, yet had never really recovered from the blow to his head he received after falling a-fowl, quite literally, of the machine the French were using to test the ability of new designs of aeroplanes to cope with a mid-air collision of the avain kind during our annual college field trip. Unfortunately for poor Samuel, and indeed myself due to said proposal, the poor French blighters were using frozen chickens in their tests, doubly stupid, since it is unlikely you will ever encounter a chicken at twenty thousand feet, since said birds are flightless, let alone a frozen chicken. Slowly easing myself into a crouch, I cautiously replied to my poultry-deluded friend 'I'm frightfully flattered by your offer old chap, but surely that is a little out of the question, me being male and all?'
Samuel turned to me, his eyes taking on that look that only those either truly enlightened or insane own, his left eyebrow twitching slightly in an hypnotic rhythm as he calmly returned 'Oh no, darling, for I am a woman after all'
My musings had left me open however, and I felt the full force of the mallet of my wouldbe fiance, or is it fiancee in his currently deluded state? 'Tis but a scratch' I valiantly declaimed, before succumbing to the darkness.
Lethe is carrying a spade. SPANG.,
Tue 4 Feb 2003, 2:49,
archived)
The darkness gradually lifted, and I saw a strange creature before me. At first I was confused, what kind of animal has two heads? And then, slowly it dawned on me. I had come face to face to face with...THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR!
Purple Martin is board sigless,
Wed 5 Feb 2003, 5:47,
archived)