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# she told him if he bled on her she'd stick a fork in his balls.
by brother had a dog bite out his eye when he was a kid but the doctors stuck it back in his socket.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 7:39, archived)
# a recently deceased mate of mine tripped over on the way home from the pub, hit a gutter and popped his eye out of the socket
Docs did the same thing.

Was funny at the pub next time he walked in though. Mainly because another one of the boys (Ronnie) said "Fuck Bobbie, I knew I should have walked ya home ya silly cunt."
Bob replied, "probably would have happened anyway"
Ronnie: "Yeah, I know. But at least I could have fucked the hole in ya head!"

Laughter and more beer was enjoyed by all. Even Bob.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 7:49, archived)
# haha!
my other brother took a chainsaw to the stomach and lived. too bad, because he's a goof.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 7:52, archived)
# wow, that sounds nasty!
Got any pics?
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 7:56, archived)
# i wish.
it happened when i was ten or twelve or so. i got to see it, which was fun. he whined about it a lot.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 8:03, archived)
# I quite enjoy your stories sir
(I helped save b3ta! hanke murphy, I'm a mess, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 8:12, archived)
# thanks. i love chattering them at people and am surprised people aren't bored.
the same brother had part of a finger mangled by farm equipment too, and then went to work in a nuclear reactor.

he's not so smart.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 8:17, archived)
# I feel both envious and lucky to be without such stories
I keep hitting deer with my car, but that's about as close I come to gore.

I think my best stories are probably the ones I least want to tell as the deal with kind of amazing stupidity.
(I helped save b3ta! hanke murphy, I'm a mess, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 8:25, archived)
# eh, we're all stupid. no shame in admitting your faults.
it's 3:30, i'm to bed. see you later.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 8:35, archived)
# I once seen a dislocated vagina
When the ex gave birth to our second daughter at 10pound 12ounces.

Her vag literally appeared to be sitting on the birthing table infront of her.
That was enough to put me off sex with her for weeks!
not that I had a choice.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 8:13, archived)
# i hope you took pictures.
if you did, send them along so i can 'shop them into a pic of a butcher shop.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 8:18, archived)
# unfortunately I do not (otherwise I would have linked;)
being woken up at 4am and being told "WE NEED TO GET TO THE HOSPITAL NOW!!!"
sort of made me forget a few things.
1hr 45mins from first contraction our duaghter was born.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 8:21, archived)
# when she's of age to start thinking about dating, tell her this story.
ought to give you a slight reprieve.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 8:36, archived)
# Top tip!
thanks mate!
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 8:41, archived)
# You could have just slipped it out while she was sleeping
and put it on like a tube sock.
(I helped save b3ta! hanke murphy, I'm a mess, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 8:26, archived)
# heh.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 8:40, archived)