I'm not saying I will hate it, nor am I passing judgement on itI just think about the concequences of it and I can't see any reaction which doesn't impinge on my wanting to do other things in some way. In isolate it would be lovely, but in reality things have concequences and mold and cut off areas of life and experience. It's a pretty horrible curse of knowledge really, if I didn't know so then I could just get into a relationship and get lost forget about the future and be happy. But I can't just abandon thought, it seems like a crime and in its own soul destroying way it is worthwhile.
EDIT: I had a sort of internet person, who I sometimes laughable call my apprentice given that he sarcastically called me an oracle, who I used to talk to about these things. He wasn't so analytically inclined, but he was a femme boy struggling with the idea of gender, sexuality and BDSM type things, slightly younger also no experience, while still being clued up enough to engage in and get stuff out of a conversation with me. But unfortunately he has disappeared under mysterious circumstances and I haven't heard from him in ages.
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Sun 9 Mar 2008, 1:59,
archived)
EDIT: I had a sort of internet person, who I sometimes laughable call my apprentice given that he sarcastically called me an oracle, who I used to talk to about these things. He wasn't so analytically inclined, but he was a femme boy struggling with the idea of gender, sexuality and BDSM type things, slightly younger also no experience, while still being clued up enough to engage in and get stuff out of a conversation with me. But unfortunately he has disappeared under mysterious circumstances and I haven't heard from him in ages.
but then maybe you will never be happy being so insular.i spent a year or so avoiding other people and i enjoyed it on the whole, but at the end of the day all the things i could learn from being by myself and all the things i understood from doing that were matched if not bettered by being around people and having relationships and getting fucked over really badly, i learnt alot from it and ultimately i kind of learned to start liking myself (well vaguely) and i learnt amazing things from people and it gave me such a brilliant bit of life expierence.
being on your own for a time span has it's uses, you're pretty much forced into a corner to understand yourself and all your own morbid processes and needs in all their vivid and gory detail, but thats all pretty useless when you just avoid any sort of emotional connections with others.
everyone needs a mental refrence of mistakes and emotions and expierences just to grow as a person otherwise you do just stunt yourself and become either god or nothing in your own mind and then you get into dangerous ground and your brain starts to go wrong.you can delve too deep and start to make things this or that and without the expierence of understanding it from an outside point of view or having someone else to kick off you do really fuck yourself up.
(being on your own for a time span has it's uses, you're pretty much forced into a corner to understand yourself and all your own morbid processes and needs in all their vivid and gory detail, but thats all pretty useless when you just avoid any sort of emotional connections with others.
everyone needs a mental refrence of mistakes and emotions and expierences just to grow as a person otherwise you do just stunt yourself and become either god or nothing in your own mind and then you get into dangerous ground and your brain starts to go wrong.you can delve too deep and start to make things this or that and without the expierence of understanding it from an outside point of view or having someone else to kick off you do really fuck yourself up.
KittyVomit more super than a can of Tennants,
Sun 9 Mar 2008, 2:09,
archived)
EDIT above, because I couldn't be bothered to write it into another postAs regards the whole fucking yourself up bit, as a unwavering pragmatist, analyst, solipsist and realist. I can't say that being fucked up really means anything to me, nor can I say that being insular or unhappy is necessarily wrong or an unvalid way to spend your life. A lot of assumption is put on everything, especially happiness and experience. "Live fast, die young and leave a beautiful corpse" - if that were really true and really believed wouldn't people immediately kill themselves. Because ultimately the experiences don't mean anything when you are dead, so making the assumption that happiness is the only worthy thing in life doesn't really follow through with logic.
Then of course there's the fact I probably just want to be different, see people being happy and see them being ignorant of fear, uncertainty, the larger problems. Who knows, but I refuse to believe or follow anyone, because no-one knows what they are talking about because nothing is right.
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Sun 9 Mar 2008, 2:18,
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Then of course there's the fact I probably just want to be different, see people being happy and see them being ignorant of fear, uncertainty, the larger problems. Who knows, but I refuse to believe or follow anyone, because no-one knows what they are talking about because nothing is right.
true being happy isn't the most important thingbut being fucking unhappy is destructive to yourself and thoes around you and you have to turn a blind eye sometimes otherwise you either kill yourself or end up an empty shell.
i know i probably won't ever be happy but i'd rather not be unhappy and the hard part is avoid just being neither and nothing.
if you can look into despair and all the awfulness of life and understand it and accept it then you've got a fighting chance of gaining something.
ignorances isn't bliss but nor is being so wrapped up or aware of it.
(i know i probably won't ever be happy but i'd rather not be unhappy and the hard part is avoid just being neither and nothing.
if you can look into despair and all the awfulness of life and understand it and accept it then you've got a fighting chance of gaining something.
ignorances isn't bliss but nor is being so wrapped up or aware of it.
KittyVomit more super than a can of Tennants,
Sun 9 Mar 2008, 2:22,
archived)
I have seen into pure unfettid despair(or at least I like to think I live in the black hostile void for meladramatic purposes)
But as of late I seem to have become shakier and shakier, the thought, words and memories are still there but I don't seem to be able to feel it quite as much. I think it's been a series of events which have slowly been chipping away at me, insidiously bleeding normal social ideas in through the back door, then popping round with some sexual propositions.
Usually things blow over, well as regards to the sexual things anyway, but it seems a bit like my situation is slowly beginning to catch up with me and my idea(l)s. Although talking about it like it is a problem is as much of the problem as the occurances themselves.
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Sun 9 Mar 2008, 2:35,
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But as of late I seem to have become shakier and shakier, the thought, words and memories are still there but I don't seem to be able to feel it quite as much. I think it's been a series of events which have slowly been chipping away at me, insidiously bleeding normal social ideas in through the back door, then popping round with some sexual propositions.
Usually things blow over, well as regards to the sexual things anyway, but it seems a bit like my situation is slowly beginning to catch up with me and my idea(l)s. Although talking about it like it is a problem is as much of the problem as the occurances themselves.
but maybe be less sensative(for lack of a better word) to such thingsis just part of the process of understanding and accepting, which is a good thing surely?
i'd like to give you a hug and just completely dumb everything down and say "there, there, it'll all get better".
(i'd like to give you a hug and just completely dumb everything down and say "there, there, it'll all get better".
KittyVomit more super than a can of Tennants,
Sun 9 Mar 2008, 2:41,
archived)
I saw a French film on BBC4 a few weeks backAnd the chubby girl with self esteem problems and father issues, started crying and said "I'm a zero".
To which the French bloke who was in the room sat next down to her and said "We're all zeros".
That is why I love the chariactures of French people in French films, because I swear they cannot actually be like that.
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Sun 9 Mar 2008, 2:51,
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To which the French bloke who was in the room sat next down to her and said "We're all zeros".
That is why I love the chariactures of French people in French films, because I swear they cannot actually be like that.
a chubby french girl for one..wtf...the french are somewhat very beautiful(and i don't just mean purely by appearance) and at the same time bloody annoying.
( KittyVomit more super than a can of Tennants,
Sun 9 Mar 2008, 2:55,
archived)
If you really mean the solipsism part literallythe argument against it is that even if all other people are generated by your own mind, they are still autonomous intelligent entities. Therefore the part about being generated by your own mind has no meaning, since they are as good as and equivalent to actual people and there is nothing to suggest that they aren't in fact people.
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Sun 9 Mar 2008, 3:12,
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