Ok, one more then.Dan Brown and Tom Hanks are two gay lovers who get married and go on their honeymoon to Israel and while they are there they find a gideons bible in their hotel room that has a spelling error in the copyright information which turns out to be a clue that leads them to a secret tomb which they have to get to by climbing into a toilet in the Jerusalem branch of McDonalds and as they are climbing down the toilet someone does a big poo on them and then they find themselves in an underground sewer and they're all covered in poo and wee and then the sewage level starts to rise and they need to find the key to get out but the Quakers have hidden the key up Ewan McGregors bum and he has explosive diarrhoea.
I admit that I only got a C in my English GCSE but hopefully you will be able to see past the few spelling and grammatical errors I have undoubtably made and realise that these could be some of the best selling works of fiction of all time.
We're talking bigger than the Bible here.
So, how much will you pay me for them?
(I admit that I only got a C in my English GCSE but hopefully you will be able to see past the few spelling and grammatical errors I have undoubtably made and realise that these could be some of the best selling works of fiction of all time.
We're talking bigger than the Bible here.
So, how much will you pay me for them?
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums,
Wed 7 Oct 2009, 3:17,
archived)
I review plays for a living and all of your plots are better than 90% of the submissions I have to wade through. Give up your day job!
(,
Wed 7 Oct 2009, 3:56,
archived)
Thank you! I've always wanted to write plays.I would be grateful if you could cast your eye over this script I'm currently working on.
NARRATOR: Our story begins in London, England. The famous author Mr Daniel Brown is driving to see his friend Tomothy Hanks about a matter of grave importance. Unfortunately as he arrives at Mr Hankses house a cat runs out in front of his car. Daniel slams on the brakes, and is catapaulted through the windscreen.
ENTER DAN BROWN, STAGE LEFT, FLYING THROUGH THE AIR BUM-FIRST.
TOM HANKS IS SITTING ON A CHAIR. HE TURNS AND HIS JAW FALLS OPEN WITH AMAZEMENT AS DAN BROWN FLIES TOWARDS HIM. DAN BROWN LANDS ON TOM HANKSES HEAD WHICH GOES RIGHT UP HIS BUM.
TOM HANKS: (MUFFLED) "What is the meaning of this?"
DAN BROWN: "I'm terribly sorry, there was a cat. I had come here to tell you about a matter of grave importance!"
TOM HANKS: (MUFFLED) "Can it wait until we've got my head out of your bum?"
DAN BROWN: "I'm afraid not, you'll just have to wear me as a hat for now. I'll explain what's going on in the car."
EXIT STAGE RIGHT TOM HANKS WEARING DAN BROWN AS A HAT.
NEXT SCENE: TOM HANKS IS DRIVING WHILST DAN BROWN GIVES DIRECTIONS
DAN BROWN: "Are you okay in there?"
TOM HANKS: (MUFFLED) "It's not so bad now I'm getting used to it, and at least you're keeping my head nice and warm. So, you were going to tell me what this matter of grave importance was?"
DAN BROWN: "Mmm? Oh, yes, of course, how could I forget? I was listening to the news earlier and apparantly some extremist Jehovah's Witnesses have broken into that secret warehouse from the end of Indianna Jones, stolen the Ark of the Covenant and hidden it... UP EWAN MCGREGORS BUM!!!"
TOM HANKS: (MUFFLED) "I should have guessed. Thosed damned religious fanatics are always stealing priceless religious artefacts and hiding them up Ewan McGregors bum."
DAN BROWN: "And what's worse is that I've discovered that they plan to use it to MELT THE POPE'S FACE!!!"
As you can tell, it still needs several more minutes of work on it, but I was wondering if you would be interested in commissioning the entire play?
(NARRATOR: Our story begins in London, England. The famous author Mr Daniel Brown is driving to see his friend Tomothy Hanks about a matter of grave importance. Unfortunately as he arrives at Mr Hankses house a cat runs out in front of his car. Daniel slams on the brakes, and is catapaulted through the windscreen.
ENTER DAN BROWN, STAGE LEFT, FLYING THROUGH THE AIR BUM-FIRST.
TOM HANKS IS SITTING ON A CHAIR. HE TURNS AND HIS JAW FALLS OPEN WITH AMAZEMENT AS DAN BROWN FLIES TOWARDS HIM. DAN BROWN LANDS ON TOM HANKSES HEAD WHICH GOES RIGHT UP HIS BUM.
TOM HANKS: (MUFFLED) "What is the meaning of this?"
DAN BROWN: "I'm terribly sorry, there was a cat. I had come here to tell you about a matter of grave importance!"
TOM HANKS: (MUFFLED) "Can it wait until we've got my head out of your bum?"
DAN BROWN: "I'm afraid not, you'll just have to wear me as a hat for now. I'll explain what's going on in the car."
EXIT STAGE RIGHT TOM HANKS WEARING DAN BROWN AS A HAT.
NEXT SCENE: TOM HANKS IS DRIVING WHILST DAN BROWN GIVES DIRECTIONS
DAN BROWN: "Are you okay in there?"
TOM HANKS: (MUFFLED) "It's not so bad now I'm getting used to it, and at least you're keeping my head nice and warm. So, you were going to tell me what this matter of grave importance was?"
DAN BROWN: "Mmm? Oh, yes, of course, how could I forget? I was listening to the news earlier and apparantly some extremist Jehovah's Witnesses have broken into that secret warehouse from the end of Indianna Jones, stolen the Ark of the Covenant and hidden it... UP EWAN MCGREGORS BUM!!!"
TOM HANKS: (MUFFLED) "I should have guessed. Thosed damned religious fanatics are always stealing priceless religious artefacts and hiding them up Ewan McGregors bum."
DAN BROWN: "And what's worse is that I've discovered that they plan to use it to MELT THE POPE'S FACE!!!"
As you can tell, it still needs several more minutes of work on it, but I was wondering if you would be interested in commissioning the entire play?
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums,
Wed 7 Oct 2009, 4:33,
archived)
I would like to see this play madebut only if the climax featured a giant animatronic bum, atleast 20 foot tall.
(
StickFigureNinja is worried he may be on the list,
Wed 7 Oct 2009, 23:02,
archived)
WHO'S WRITING THIS FUCKING PLAY?It just so happens that I had planned to include a giant animatronic bum.
And I thought maybe 40 feet tall.
(And I thought maybe 40 feet tall.
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums,
Thu 8 Oct 2009, 2:18,
archived)