actually, fuck it. I'm also certain I've said all these things to you before, it didn't make any difference. Let me try another tack, if you'll indulge me
please, lie down on the couch and make yourself comfortable
Now, going by various clues I've gleaned from over the years I'm going to make some educated guesses.
The first of which is that the literature and/or poetry aspect was in your youth, and still is, important to your identity. In one of the links you state "what could go wrong arguing about poetry with someone who calls himself Prufrock". And there are plenty other clues, the polonius comment for example, the way you seem to get particularly upset when pulled up on grammar and lexicology. It's important to how you see yourself and your ego is still very much tied to it.
The next educated guess is that in your life you are not following this passion or doing anything creative, writing or following that dream, and nobody else acknowledges this aspect of your identity, and that you have a mundane existence. Perhaps you were scared you didn't have the talent, or events and the necessities of living conspired to prevent you. So in essence this is a thwarted ambition, an unfulfilled dream, a gulf between what your life actually is, and what you wish it could or should of been and how you see yourself. But you still have this ego, this "i coulda been a contender". And thwarted ambition and that difference between your actual life and how you see yourself leads to resentment, to jealousy, to sensitivity to anything that might challenge that self-image as it's all you have.
So when I come along, and I remember the first few things that really set you off were me pulling you up on grammar, all that resentment, that bitterness, is focused on me. "If I can show him up, if I can find a fault or win an argument it will prove to my own ego that I'm not a failure". So you try but it keeps backfiring. It turns out this australian is intelligent and widely read and well educated. Each attempt makes your obsession with showing him up greater, but oddly harder as you start to lose perspective and coherence and start to become unhinged. He's also done things with his life, worked in different places, lived in different countries, and this makes you hate and resent him even more.
But here's the thing. it's not really about him. It's about you coming to terms and being at peace with your own life, prufrock. Letting go of that ego. showing me up won't reverse how your life has gone, you've just made me a cipher for that. None of our lives worked out exactly how we wanted them, at least no one on b3ta. I did those things I tell anecdotes about, I'm no liar as much as you wish I was, but they were in the past. My existence now is very surburban dad, taking kids to soccer matches and trying to make the best of things, including coming to b3ta to amuse myself and amuse others in return. There's plenty of regrets and missed chances. I see b3tans who've like Joel who've backed their talent and got shows commissioned and it makes me wish I was braver when I was at the BBC and had the opportunity. But I don't resent them, what's the point in that? I'm happy for them and support them because it's cool to see a b3tan do well, what they've done is not about me.
If you came to peace about yourself, to not be so hard on yourself, you wouldn't resent me. you wouldn't be chasing me around like sockcooker. I'd be just another b3tan, with their own interests and tastes. You could relax and have a laugh and not take things so seriously, and even deal with being disagreed with. You might even try your hand at doing something creative of your own, write some poetry, do an essay. You're not dead yet. Click "i made this" and you'll find people are supportive, I try to be when it's their own work. It doesn't have to be a masterpiece first up, creativity's a muscle you exercise. It'll fill that void about how you feel about yourself much more than you imagine finally winning over me will
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cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Fri 6 Sep 2024, 1:53,
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If you look up "retarded" in the dictionary, it links to you two arguing on /links.
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Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 6 Sep 2024, 16:30,
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Offset your bigotry footprint by making a donation here:
www.scope.org.uk/
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brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Fri 6 Sep 2024, 17:35,
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great bunch of +
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brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Fri 6 Sep 2024, 22:49,
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How much for you to delete the entire thread?
:-)
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Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 7 Sep 2024, 10:30,
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prufock assured me it was just the two of us reading this
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cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Sat 7 Sep 2024, 0:30,
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