50 Shades of Tedious Fuckery
NSFW
Blog basically describing 50 Shades of Grey blow by blow, in a way accessible to those with a modicum of intelligence and self respect. This ones the latest post, worth reading from the beginning though, very funny.
NSFW just to be careful with the written swears, no naughty images. Also not sure people want to be associated with 50 Shades in their workplace.
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Jorvic, Thu 30 Aug 2012, 17:05,
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I know a lady who reads this. I very anti-porn. When I pointed out that porn can take written form, she blew a gasket.
unfortunately, not mine
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BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Thu 30 Aug 2012, 17:11,
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Ha, from what Ive seen it reminds me of this quote
"Erotica is using a feather, pornography is using the whole chicken" - Isabel Allende
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Jorvic, Thu 30 Aug 2012, 17:15,
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Or this one
"Women don't sweat, they glow" or
"Women don't fart, they toot."
If someone would only use a feather on me, I could finally get rid of this damned chicken. Starting to smell a bit gamey.
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BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Thu 30 Aug 2012, 17:20,
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www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=women_smell
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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 30 Aug 2012, 17:24,
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'Inner Goddess' is one of many bugbears Redlemonade has, this bits great :)
"She decides to go down on him - and guess what! – she has no gag reflex. Well of course not, she's been genetically engineered for sex, after all. Which is SUPER handy. Mid blow-job, she thinks to herself “He’s my very own Christian Grey flavour popsicle” and just when I thought such a thing was impossible, it makes me hate her even more. Also, she’s so delighted with her new found skillz that her “inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves”. My inner goddess wants to murder the fuck out of her inner goddess.
Would you like to see a list of all the annoying things that her idiot inner goddess does? Of course you would.
She:
stops dancing and is staring too, mouth open and drooling slightly
sits in the lotus position looking serene
jumps up and down, clapping her hands like a five-year-old
stops jumping and smiles serenely
glows so bright she could light up Portland (maybe she's radioactive)
makes a very vulgar and unattractive gesture at him with her fingers (him being Paul - one of the dudes that inexplicably fancies stupid Ana)
jumps up and down with cheerleading pom-poms, shouting yes
does backflips in a routine worthy of a Russian Olympic gymnast
smacks her lips together, glowing with pride
bounces up and down like a small child waiting for ice cream
is going to explode (I really wish she would, then we could dispense with all of this fucking stupidity)
looks like someone snatched her ice cream
lies on a rug eating grapes and tapping her fingers impatiently
hops from foot to foot
has her pom poms in hand - she’s in cheerleading mode
spins like a world-class ballerina, pirouette after pirouette
has a “Do not disturb” sign on the outside of her room
pops her head above the parapet (someone PLEASE SHOOT HER)
pouts, failing miserably to hide her disappointment
does the dance of the Seven Veils
basks in a remnant of post-coital glow
leaps up cheering from her chaise longue
subconscious and inner goddess glance nervously at one another (KILL THEM WITH FIRE!)
pole vaults over a fifteen foot bar
stands on a podium awaiting her gold medal (for being a fucking TOOL)
backflips off the podium and does cartwheels around the stadium
hides under a blanket behind a sofa
sways and writhes to some primal carnal rhythm
endeavours to look brave
LADS. I would LOVE to say that I made some of those up and you had to guess which ones I invented and which ones were actually in a book that was PUBLISHED and that someone got PAID TO WRITE. "
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Jorvic, Thu 30 Aug 2012, 17:39,
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^ this
Why does no one ever talk about their outer goddess? Is it because they resemble the Venus of Willendorf?
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Draconacticus Reject shampoo. Demand real poo!, Thu 30 Aug 2012, 17:59,
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Small but important clarification:
The author wasn't paid to write it, they did it off their own bat out of their love for Twilight. They put it up for sale and several million members of the public somehow heard about it and wanted to buy it.
Yes, they did get a 'legit' deal from the initial success, but that doesn't change the fact it was written with no expectation of reward. I haven't read it, not my thing, I have no comment on the perceived quality or lack of therein.
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'I very anti-porn' ?
you are??!!!
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miss fortunate last posted ages ago, Thu 30 Aug 2012, 17:21,
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"Is" dear, "is"
I cun't tpye todau.
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BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Thu 30 Aug 2012, 18:04,
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haha, i know. damn uneditable subject lines!!!
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miss fortunate last posted ages ago, Thu 30 Aug 2012, 18:20,
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he called me a cunt, didn't he?
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miss fortunate last posted ages ago, Fri 31 Aug 2012, 1:59,
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The difference between 'Erotica' and 'Pornography' is...
"Erotica celebrates sex, pornography exploits it."
The 'Shades' books definitely fall into the second category. They are most certainly not great literature.
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notoolsovernight you're all luvvly an' 'orrible, Thu 30 Aug 2012, 18:07,
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Which is the one that is wanked to?
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BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Thu 30 Aug 2012, 19:49,
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erotica celebrates wanking, pornography exploits it.
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tickle I was away, Thu 30 Aug 2012, 20:34,
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The Eurhytmics
Possibly both
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unclepills Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think., Thu 30 Aug 2012, 20:37,
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