Diplomatic Immunity, Detective Riggs....
Years ago in my very first proper office job, I was pottering along happily and ineffectively working for catalogue that sold 'innovative' products, with another young lad called Kerry who had even less idea than me. He had got the job by virtue of being the son of the owner's best mate, and to give nepotism its due, was the only way he would ever have got a job of any description. Pleasant, but thick. He was also South African, which spawns an even more special kind of thick.
We used to have all sorts of fun making prank phone calls to him as he would believe pretty much anything, until one day I called to tell him I was from UK Immigration and that I was aware that he was working without a permit and liable for deportation.

I swear I had no idea that he really was working without a permit and liable for deportation. When I came back from the payphone, the place was in lockdown, office doors shut, and people looking very serious. He had rushed and told the big boss man, who had immediately mobilised his very expensive lawyers. Oops.

Kerry eventually reappeared looking ashen and muttering 'ohgodbru, thisisbadmun' over and over. I dragged him into the stairwell and explained that it was a wind up and begged him not to grass.

He didn't. Good lad. That was the second closest I have come to shitting myself at work.
(Hampton St.Roker (has probably had your mum), Thu 18 Oct 2012, 14:35, 3 replies)

"He was also South African, which spawns an even more special kind of thick."
Racialist! haha - this reminds me of an old work supervisor who's boss was from SA (and also a bit thick). Andy use to sigh every time Wayne visited his desk to grill him on issues with the network.
(RJWEcology is just sharpening his axe on, Thu 18 Oct 2012, 15:03, closed)

and the first closest time?

( sneep used to date Freddie Starr's hamster, Thu 18 Oct 2012, 17:49, closed)

In a waffle factory in Amsterdam, terribly hung over and quesy after a night on the town. Two things you need to make industrial waffles - lots of sugar and lots and lots of heat. Not a good place to be after an evening of strong booze, soft drugs, and hard porn.
(Hampton St.Roker (has probably had your mum), Fri 19 Oct 2012, 15:36, closed)

Should have grassed him up for real!
comin' over 'ere, takin' our jobs...
( Lord Keeps meaning to procrastinate., Thu 18 Oct 2012, 23:02, closed)