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This is a question Parents

"They fuck you up, your mum and dad" said Philip Larkin. Did he have a point? Perhaps yours are merely horrendously embarrassing? Or are you yourself that embarrassing or terrible parent? No tedious McCannery or nonce strikethroughs please, ffs.

(, Mon 6 Jun 2016, 15:43)
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Shameless repost
I love my dad. Infact when I grow up I want to be just like him, but not with the diabetes.

Anyho....one evening my dad had been out on the fizzy pop and had got himself a little worse for wear before coming home. Just before bed he's meant to inject himself with 10mg of slow acting insulin. However, being a little merry, he picks up the fast acting insulin (which you are meant to use 2mgs of) and jacks himself up with 10mg of daytime juice.

An hour later my mum gets worried, she can hear a knocking in the bathroom. Assuming it's my dad pottering around in his drunken state she shouts at him to come to bed. No answer, so she gets up to give him a piece of her mind, only to find him sat on the toilet, pyjamas round his ankles thrashing his hand in a bin. She calls him, prods him, waves a hand in front of his eyes but, but to all intents and purposes he's unconscious.

In a panic, my brother is got out of bed, the paramedics are called while my mum and brother try to get some sugar into dad. They don't know where he's put his glucose gel, they're shitting it knowing that he's getting worse by the minute, so grab a banana and mash it up into his mouth, trying to rub it onto his gums so that he'll get some sugar in his system.

The paramedics arrive and test for blood sugar whilst trying to communicate with dad. They cannot find a trace sugar reading, which is bad. Luckily they have the right kit, inject him and slowly he comes round. If they hadn't have turned up dad would have been in a coma most likely with permanent consequences. However, this is not the only lucky escape, as the paramedics said if that happened again, the quickest way to get sugar in his system would be to shove a Mars bar up his arse.

My Dad, horrified at this prospect, says "It's bad enough coming round on the toilet with your pants round your ankles, your mother rubbing banana all over my face and 2 green men staring into my eyes shouting "MonkeyDaddy! MonkeyDaddy!", without having a banana shoved in my fundament"

To which my mum replies, "You do that again and it'll be a bloody toblerone!"
(, Wed 8 Jun 2016, 10:49, 9 replies)
I was clicking this anyway, but you're definitely getting one for use of the word 'fundament'
which was one of my dad's favourite words.
(, Wed 8 Jun 2016, 11:17, closed)
I love it when people get pissed and waste NHS resources.
On the other hand, this was a pretty funny story.
(, Wed 8 Jun 2016, 11:36, closed)
Ha ha ha
(, Wed 8 Jun 2016, 12:07, closed)
I like this very much.

(, Wed 8 Jun 2016, 13:18, closed)
No way
When I was on a first aid course, the old "Mars bar up the diabetic's bum" topic came up. The instructor thought it was highly unlikely that the interior of the rectal wall would be able to absorb chocolate at any speed. So would an expert please confirm this? It's going to keep me awake at night now.
(, Wed 8 Jun 2016, 16:45, closed)
Would a Topic work?

(, Wed 8 Jun 2016, 17:34, closed)
it's less about the sugar, and more about the kinky thrill

(, Thu 9 Jun 2016, 7:01, closed)
As a type 1 Diabetic myself
chocolate is absorbed a lot slower into your system than refined sugar (haribo, jelly babies e.t.c.) The best thing to do is to get some honey on your fingers and rub it on the person's gums as anything solid or even liquid can be a choking hazard. Rub lots of it in small doses.

A Marse bar would probably work if inserted early enough. If your blood glucose is not high enough to show on a testing kit he probably would have needed to insert said chocolate bar 10-15mins before hand.
(, Fri 10 Jun 2016, 0:43, closed)
Long time since this board made me LOL
Actual LOL

Well done sir
(, Mon 20 Jun 2016, 16:21, closed)

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