thanks Jessie
You have a lot of valid points, and I guess I'm aware that most of it is that whole learning to like yourself thing.

Sometimes it's hard when you've grown up with it imprinted in your mind.. i had overly harsh parents who would always tell me what was wrong with me, moreso than what was right, copped a lot of teasing and soforth at school, and so I've lead a lot of my life trying to be accepted by people, trying to do what I felt i needed to do to get their approval.. none of it worked. My lack of faith in people and trust in people is one of the main reasons things didn't work out with the ex, and it's the reason I got fired just recently (Monday). I just don't know how to stop feeling this way.

Yeah, I do still look after myself so I feel ok with myself.. I couldn't bear not showering, keeping a proper hairstyle, shaving, or just generally not feeling clean and fresh.. oftentimes I'll even get compliments about how i look good and everything.. and i'm always getting comments about smelling good, but the fucked up thing with me is that a million people can tell me how great I am and I still won't believe it.. i'll think they're only telling me because they pity me or because they want something. The weight thing has been an issue with me for as long as I can remember, and even though i'm carrying extra pounds, I'm actually pretty healthy.. my blood pressure and cholesterol are both fine, and I don't have any obesity-related health complications like diabetes or joint pain or anything. Losing weight is the hard thing... no matter what I try it just doesn't come off.

Like anything I think things will get better over time.. it's just one of the many challenges in my life that I need to get through and come out the other side.
(brotagaia, Sat 20 Dec 2008, 13:08, Reply)