My mate Edward.
I've known Edward since we were both about 4. His Dad and mine were posted to the same RAF station, and being children of a simiar age, we started playing together.

Edward hated his name. He always preferred to be called Ed, but whenever he wound me up or we had an argument, I called him Edward, or on a very few occasions, when I had no regard for life or personal wellbeing, Ted. He fucking HATED being called Ted.

One day when we were both about 12, we'd been given 50p each by Ed's grandma who'd come to stay so we could nip to the Naafi and buy some sweets. This is back in the day when Naafis weren't run at extortionate prices by Spar. So off we toddled. Now, I LOVED cola bottles. I still do. Always a good option when I need to become hyper quickly. So, I had a plan to splurge my 50p on 50 of the finest cola bottles the Naafi had to offer.

Anyway, we got into the Naafi. Ed went first to buy his sweets. Now Ed liked cola bottles, but not nearly as much as he liked fruit salad. I may ahve been partial to cola bottles, but for Ed, fruit salad was like boy-heroin. He adored them. I, on the other hand, hated them. Hated the taste, the smell, everything.

Ed bought his sweeties, 50 fruit salad, and walked off chewing one. The fruity aroma was already turning my stomach. I purchased my cola bottles and out we went to sit outside.

"Wow" Ed said. "Your packet looks huge." (phnaar, phnaar). "Let's have a look".

I like a fucking tool, opened up the packet. Ed peered in.....and spat out a half-digested fruit salad into the packet of MY FUCKING COLA BOTTLES. I could have cried. 50p of cola bottles...ruined. I had no choice but to throw them away. As Edward laughed and stuffed 10 more fruit salad into his mouth, I turned to him and shouted.

"You're a dick, Ted."

/coat....
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Sun 21 Dec 2008, 6:53, 3 replies)

Oh...
... you marvellous bastard, you.

*click*
(Ellinikos contains a source of phenylalanine, Sun 21 Dec 2008, 7:49, closed)

sec
on dead
( elgordo, Sun 21 Dec 2008, 10:47, closed)

I fucking
hate you.

* click*
( greedyostrich Cheese is evil! Cheddar is VOODOO!, Sun 21 Dec 2008, 15:08, closed)