I’ve been scanning these pages looking for an alternative.

Looking for something else with which to attract (or distract) my explosively addictive personality, instead of my existing weaknesses.

Because, to be honest, my curent addictions are a bit boring. Effective, but dull and predictable.

They are: Cider…& Chinese food.

These two seemingly standard comestibles somehow contain magical properties when entwining down the party route that is my crap factory via tingling tastebud valley…

Nothing can stop me in my relentless pursuit of nomming inhumane amounts of these sublime victuals whenever possible.

The gastro-intestinal thermo nuclear cataclysm that regularly occurs in my rotting innards as a result of my overdosing on this fabled food / drink combo…does not stop me.

The amount of weight I’ve gained…that has turned me from a lithe, sprightly youngster into an unfit, waddling, wobble-arsed equivalent of the Rock of Gibraltar… does not stop me.

The fact that due to my knacked kidneys I have virtually no immunity system as it is, and my ‘little vice’ serves to keep me on the level of perpetual illness previously only enjoyed by AIDS victims…does not stop me.

The fact that I spend around £250 a month on said delights, and I could really do with spending my money on slightly more worthwhile things…does not stop me

The fact that due to my ‘self-styled dietary requirements’ I am continually wracked with bastard Gout of such biblical proportions that it would have made Henry VIII saw his own legs off at the armpits...and the tablets I quaff till I rattle still can’t keep up with the amount of chow & booze that I continue to shovel down my rancid gullet…

It still does not stop me.

The fact that last month my Doctor told me that if I carry on like this I will be dead in 5 years…drowned in a noodle infested, apple-scented, swollen liver swamp of my own making…

It still does not stop me.

Dash it all…why do they have to make these things so moreish?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 22 Dec 2008, 15:22, 12 replies)

Think of the little golden haired cherubs you spawned.
They want their daddy around for as long as possible : (
( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 15:26, closed)

how about if I tell you I pissed in your cider?
and pre-chewed all your chinese food?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 15:32, closed)

I don't think that'd stop him :(
I think we need to use The Power Of Science^TM.
And some electric-jolts.
( Cawl, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 15:36, closed)

Watch...
...the Lost Boys again.

It worked for me.

"Maggots, Michael. Look again, you're eating Maggots."

Put me off for years that did. Still can't eat rice to this day...and don't even start me on the noodles.
(dchurch bah, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 15:35, closed)

Well that's my dinner idea sorted
Cheers!
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 22 Dec 2008, 16:18, closed)

And oddly enough
I went to a sushi buffet for lunch.

For $12 I had enough to carry me through until tomorrow.

I think rather than being called "All You Can Eat" they should be known as "All You Can Stand."
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 22 Dec 2008, 21:00, closed)

It's time you got your own site
Once again, you've reduced me to a shuddering mess of mirth.
( chart cat has an itch, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 3:35, closed)