A story about my friend Gary with a vague link to the QOTW and an introduction that goes on for far too long
A few years back, Ms Foxtrot and I had a housemate called Gary. Gary liked to smoke dope. This doesn't relate in any huge way to the story, but it's very hard to talk about him without saying so. He also had a cracking sense of humour and we shared a lot of laughs, stoned and unstoned (but mostly stoned) while he lived with us.

Something that used to crack me up every time was his reaction to the Cillit Bang advert. Whenever it came on, he shouted out - very loudly - "CLIT BANG!!!", which, you have to admit, is pretty fucking funny, and a much better name for the product. What the fuck is Cillit anyway, and why are the makers of this cleaning solution so clean to Bang it?

Obviously, out of context, a gangly curly-haired stoner twat yelling "CLIT BANG!!!" at the telly is a bit weird.

*evil grin*

Gary started seeing this girl called Ro. Not Ensign Ro, although that would have been awesome, the make-up sex with that Bajoron bint must have been awesome. Ro was lovely, game for a laugh and, judging by the noises that came out of Gary's room, a bit of a goer. She also enjoyed a smoke. The only bad thing about Ro was that she ensured Gary spent less time hanging out playing Halo than I would have liked, but here I am being a bastard selfish man.

One evening I knocked on Gary's door and asked if he was free for a smoke, which is a bit like turning up at the Vatican with a schoolboy choir and asking if Ratzinger has a space in his diary. Unfortunately, the response was a slightly high-pitched "Ro's here mate!" which came as something of a surprise as I could hear the TV on in the background. Disgruntled, I turned around and headed for the Xbox in the spare room, only to hear a glorious, glorious proclamation in borderline falsetto.

"CLIT BANG!!!"

As much as I wanted to take up a seat outside Gary's room with a shit-eating grin to watch the carnage emerge, I ensconced myself in the spare room at the end of the corridor. I will never forget the sight of a hot blonde girl running downstairs, clutching her blouse together with (I may have imagined this) a milky-white liquid at the corner of her mouth, followed by a skinny bloke struggling to keep his trousers up blathering all manner of dopey apologies.

Gary later told me the whole story. Over a joint. He may have exaggerated certain aspects. Or I may have misremembered them, I dunno, I was stoned.

Apparently Ro was giving him a blowjob while he smoked a joint. This was a big deal (obviously, it was a blowjob) as all previous blowjobs had been a frantic pre-shag thing rather than a long, relaxed pleasure-sesh. The key error in all this, he was happy to admit, was leaving the telly on behind her. It wasn't his fault that the Cillit Bang advert came on just as he was about to fill her mouth with cock yoghurt, but a little restraint wouldn't have killed him.

Try to imagine this poor girl, having just completed a most generous and apparently very well-executed act of gratification, looking up at Gary with his cock still fairly rigid in her mouth, which was otherwise full of spaff, wondering why on earth he'd just screamed out his intention to whack her on the clitoris.

His reaction was to look at her, grinning stupidly, through a haze of smoke and say "sorry, that's my blowjob cum noise"

Never saw her again. Which is just as well, the lingering mental image I have is based on Gary's assertion that she responded to this by snorting in indignation, which made a little spunkbubble come out of her nose...
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:21, 3 replies)

I've clicked this
because it gave me a semi
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 16:20, closed)

I haven't had a BJ and a joint at the same time for ages
I should remedy that
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 16:25, closed)

What a tale!
Amazing man, my brain approves tenfold. My friends and I were big fans of the Cillit Bang ads purely for its supernatural hawker, Barry scott.
(Pat Shatner ,in it for the buzz, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 16:27, closed)