This has unwittingly inspired me to create a new computer peripheral.
The first step will be to pay a visit to my friendly neighbourhood taxidermist to obtain a stuffed dachshund (breed selected because its convenient short legs place it at ideal height when on the desk). Once I have obtained the dachshund, I will make a small circular incision under the tail to remove the anus and a sufficient volume of stuffing to accommodate the control module. The rectum will be replaced by a neoprene tube surrounded by a ring of eight small pressure pads inside the animal, and a slit will be made in each testicle to accommodate microswitches for left- and right-clicking respectively.

Once the USB cable has been threaded through the urethra of the dog's cock, I will connect it to one of the rear USB ports of my PC and install the appropriate drivers. Then I will finally be able to navigate around B3ta by inserting my finger into my cyberdachshund's arsehole and probing in different directions to make the mouse move, tapping its cyberbollocks for every "I like this", and I will feel drunk with power.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:38, 5 replies)

You should crowd source this
But you would probably have a better response if you substituted a manikin of a small child for the dachshund.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 14:59, closed)

Not entirely sure I want that sort of response.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 16:04, closed)

This is b3ta
You never get the response you want.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 16:43, closed)

GhettoblasterYeti for mod!

( da5id <YOUR SIG HERE>, Wed 6 Aug 2014, 22:13, closed)

See? It's working already.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 7 Aug 2014, 1:47, closed)