Confused?
Not me. Maybe all this grown-up talk of mortgages and interest rates is beyond someone whose sole occupation seems to be throwing around lame insults on the internet...but I'll take it upon myself to try and explain a little of this complex world to you - consider it my good deed for the day.

First a few basic terms:

'Interest rate' - this is the % charged on the sum borrowed, with an 'interest free mortgage', this rate is charge 'per annum' (this means 'every year').

Now a simple GCSE question:

Sandeep borrows £100,000 on an interest only mortgage, his bank lends him the money over 25yrs at an interest rate of 10% per annum. What will Sandeep's monthly payments be and what will he pay in total for his mortgage at the end of the term?

Now I'll answer the question for you. 10% of £100,000 is £10,000 - this is the amount Sandeep will have to pay to finance his borrowing over one year. As mortgages are paid monthly, we'll divide the £10,000 interest by 12 (as there are 12 months in the year). This gives us a total of £833.33 a month. His total payments at the end of his term will have been £250,000. Hopefully Sandeep bought in a good area, as at the end of his term....oh fuck it, I can't be arsed.

My mortgage was for £375k at 4.5% pa interest only, giving me monthly repayments of £1,400. Any idiot with 11+ maths could work that one out.

Now piss off, I'm going to wank over my bank statements.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 21:32, 3 replies)

Hahahaha.
Brilliant.

Soz. But imma have to repost this for everybody.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 21:42, closed)

Yes, so at 0% interest, you'd have to pay £1,250 a month.
I fail to see how you were £1,400 better off a month with 0% interest. Surely you meant £150.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 4:00, closed)

No. That's the only bit of the tale that actually makes sense.
There were mortgages below base rate so you could end up with zero interest when they dropped. It's the rest which is twaddle. He clearly doesn't understand how income tax works or how you cannot 'invest' in property if you only pay interest and not the capital.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 7:37, closed)

Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get a job soon.
Chin up, eh? Keep firing off those CV's.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:14, closed)

Never written a CV
I was headhunted straight out of university and apart from taking a year out to have kids I've been working ever since. But it's lovely of you to be concerned. LOVELY.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 11:06, closed)

Kids?
Who's going to help them with their maths homework?
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 11:57, closed)

I doubt they'll need much help.
They both appear to be extremely bright.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 12:04, closed)

I'm sure they do, compared to you.
Don't forget to remind them to "Read all the questions carefully before attempting to answer any".

Just in case they make themselves look like a massive bell-end.

Derp derp derp.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 9:02, closed)

Dude, save your speeches for Parliament.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 2 Mar 2013, 0:50, closed)