When I were a nipper
we had a mongrel dog, which was fat, stupid and smelled like last week's fish and chips. But he was ours and we loved tolerated him. When I was about 13 and he was about 10 (so getting on in dog years) my older sister came over and she brought her new dog. It was a glorious Collie/Alsation cross that was tall, beautiful, striking, and the doggie equivalent of that 18 year old that suddenly blossoms and all the guys would cut off their left testicle to get with her.

Now, my fat, stupid, smelly dog had never been within groping range of a female dog before, let alone without being on a leash. This was doggy heaven. It was like having your own dream girl come to your door and strip off. Except she wasn't quite so willing.

Cue about an hour of my dog trying to hump the new dog (which was about a foot taller than him). She would constantly bite him to tell him no, but five minutes later he would have weighed up the risk of losing a limb with the chance of getting his leg over and he'd be back at it.

And the cruelty? There was two parts.

Firstly, the poor bitch had been trapped in the same room as the canine sewage farm for several hours, having to constantly fend off his advances. I guess it's the equivalent of a young woman being constantly hit on at the pub by the dirty old letch (every pub has one) except this time the doors are locked.

Secondly, my poor hellspawn had the biggest erection you've ever seen, and it wasn't going to go away while she was around. He literally could not sit down for two hours because it was dragging along the floor. I'll never forget the image of looking over at my dog, who was standing there, exhausted, panting, sore, whopping great stiffy resting gently on the carpet, and looking like he was thinking "just give me five minutes, I'll get her this time..... Maybe 10 minutes"
( Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Thu 6 Dec 2007, 12:12, 5 replies)

So
Did he eventually manage it then?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 6 Dec 2007, 12:17, closed)

Nope.
She wasn't having any of it. All he got for his troubles were bite wounds and carpet rash on his bell-end.
( Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Thu 6 Dec 2007, 12:20, closed)

What was it's name?
Frankspencer?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 6 Dec 2007, 12:27, closed)

Brandy.
Has Frank Spencer done something similar? And I assume you're not talking Michael Crawford here, although that certainly would have made for more interesting tv
( Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Thu 6 Dec 2007, 13:32, closed)

Brandy
I was making a little quip at the expense of Mr Spencer, but I enjoyed the story hence my click.

I sincerely hope that Brandy was given an extra large helping of grub that evening, poor bugger sounds like he needed it.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 6 Dec 2007, 13:57, closed)