Accidental animal crueltyI once invented a brilliant game - I'd sit at the top of the stairs and throw cat biscuits to the bottom. My cat would eat them, then I'd shake the box, and he would run up the stairs for more biscuits. Then - of course - I'd throw a biscuit back down to the bottom. I kept this going for about half an hour, amused at my little game, and all was fine until the cat vomited. I felt absolutely dreadful.
Have you accidentally been cruel to an animal?
This question has been revived from way, way, way back on the b3ta messageboard when it was all fields round here.
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rob, Thu 6 Dec 2007, 11:13)
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All Cocks are Rapists!Some of you may be aware that one of the reasons I’m called Chickenlady is because I used to live on a farm and have pet chickens. My chickens were a great source of amusement and also education….
I have twin boys who are now 9, but when they were a few years younger I got hold of some fertile eggs because one of my hens (Ethel) was broody. She duly sat on them and produced four cockerels and only two hens. The chicks were lovely but within a few weeks the young cocks had become just that and were harassing all of the hens…several times a day to the point that the favoured hens had no feathers on the tops of their heads and many of them had now got bloody scabs from the over enthusiastic males holding them with their beaks.
When your young children have seen hens being given a good seeing to on a regular basis sex education is pretty easy, or so I’d thought. The following conversation is etched on my memory…
Son #1 “Mummy, what is Hector [Hector was the biggest cockerel and therefore it was his house...] doing to all the hens?”
Me “He wants to give them chicks”
The kids were already well aware that hens lay eggs regardless of whether there’s a cockerel about or not (some adults are unaware of this, and more than once I’ve heard an egg referred to as a ‘Chicken abortion’ erm….no it’s unfertilised…and will never ever become a chick, you idiot).
Son #1“But how?”
Me“Ah…well….you know how you have a winkle?”
He nods, interested now (typical male…any mention of genitalia and they’re all ears…as it were…)
Me“Well…Hector has one too”
Son #1“Where?”
Me“Under his feathers. Anyway, he jumps on the hen’s back and he puts his winkle into the hen”
Son #1“Where?”
Me“Erm…where the eggs come out”
Son #1“UP HER BUM!!??”
Me“Yes…but it’s called a Vent in chickens”
(Can you tell I used to be a primary school teacher?)
*Boy thinks*
Son #1“Mummy….”
Me“Yes darling?”
Son #1 “Is that how people get babies?”
Me“Pretty much, yes, but they always ask first and they always should like each other a lot”
Son #1“So…Daddy…and you…..”
Me“Yes”
Boy looks slightly shocked…
Me“It’s alright you know, when you get older you’ll understand that it’s okay and nice too.”
Boy begins to cry…
Son #1“But Mummy….I’ll never be able to do that!”
At that point I’m afraid I had to stifle my giggles, gave him a hug, told him it would be okay, he *would* be able to do it and would want to do it, then I sent him outside to play.
Ten minutes later I went out to see what the kids were up to….and I see my son chasing the cockerel around the garden shouting at him, “You git! You didn’t ask her if she wanted chicks! Leave her alone!”
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chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 7 Dec 2007, 17:56,
8 replies)
hahahathat is excellent! :D
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Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Fri 7 Dec 2007, 18:02,
closed)
Sheer ClassAs my 3 year old boy is already showing a keen 'interest'....and I'm married to a primary school teacher...
Incidentally, poultry related topics do give you the chance to use the word 'cock' a lot in normal conversation. I find this strangely relaxing.
(, Fri 7 Dec 2007, 18:05, closed)
Yes, I get a lot of pleasurefrom my pet cocks.
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chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 7 Dec 2007, 18:14,
closed)
you are rightabout the number of people who don't understand that eggs are not always baby chickens.
As a vegetarian I often get told that I shouldn't eat eggs. If someone is that stupid then I go into a lengthy description about periods!
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Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 7 Dec 2007, 19:19,
closed)
Hahahahaha, it's the 'git' bit that does it for me.I like this!
Do chooks have winkles, though? I thought both sexes had cloacas.
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Bob Todd whee, Fri 7 Dec 2007, 20:47,
closed)
IndeedBoth sexes do have cloaca, but when you're under 10 it's easier to refer to something they know about.
What do I mean, when you're under 10?
I had to google it to check! Hahahahahahaha!
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chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 7 Dec 2007, 21:23,
closed)
chickenlady, what a great kidYour son is quite the little gentleman. That's so sweet he is defending the hen's honour.
He does understand that people's winkles and bums don't connect? That might be why he slightly shocked.
(, Sun 9 Dec 2007, 1:26, closed)
Ostrich cloacaNothing can prepare a small child for the sight of an ostrich cloaca. (shudders)
(, Mon 10 Dec 2007, 10:01, closed)
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