Accidental animal crueltyI once invented a brilliant game - I'd sit at the top of the stairs and throw cat biscuits to the bottom. My cat would eat them, then I'd shake the box, and he would run up the stairs for more biscuits. Then - of course - I'd throw a biscuit back down to the bottom. I kept this going for about half an hour, amused at my little game, and all was fine until the cat vomited. I felt absolutely dreadful.
Have you accidentally been cruel to an animal?
This question has been revived from way, way, way back on the b3ta messageboard when it was all fields round here.
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rob, Thu 6 Dec 2007, 11:13)
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Twisted Vile Farterthis is more a story of how an animal was accidentally cruel to me, but it kind of fits the question...
Hector was our family dog when I was younger, a large ginger and white spaniel of undetermined ancestry. He was supposed to be a Cavalier King Charles spaniel, but blatantly wasn't. Still, he was a 'character', and quite the most repulsive dog to have ever lived. We would often find him eating pools of his own and other dogs vomit, and he would lick snot from us kids when we had a cold. But his most, ahem, 'endearing' feature was the method by which he cleared a room with his farting. Sorry, by room, i mean building, and on occasion, village. His farts were legendary in their vileness. Small animals in surrounding fields would pass out whenever Hector passed wind. It was bad.
One day, when i was around 9 or 10 years old, i was lying on the sofa reading some dismal Enid Blyton tome, with Hector lying next to me. All very lovely. Then he decided to get off the sofa, and stood up, before turning round to jump off. In turning round, he presented me with an unpleasant view of his chocolate starfish, far too close to my face for comfort. 'Ugh, Hector!' I shouted, as i tried to move away. But too slowly.
As i moved, i felt a puff of air coming towards my face. With a slow inevitability, the puff of air, green in hue, rolled through the air, revealing itself to be a Hector fart. I couldn't move fast enough, and as i did move, i breathed in. Yup, I inhaled the fart of my dog.
Well, to say it was nasty would be an enormous understatement. I gagged. I retched. And I ran to the bathroom to vomit copiously. It was as if Satan himself had been specially rotting some dead animals with some sewage, before capturing the essence to blast in my direction. I was SICK. I was able to taste that fart for days to follow, and couldn't eat for a while, as i felt so wretched.
Today, almost 16 years later, I still occasionally gag at the thought of this. I'm sure even now some of my lung cells are gently retching, whilst several tastebuds were annihilated, and will never again fully function.
And that is the story of how my dog was accidentally cruel to me.
RIP Hector.
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ascorbate, Mon 10 Dec 2007, 9:35,
2 replies)
Why should a reply have a subject?I just laughed so hard at this, my wife felt compelled to turn to me and ask if I was alright.
(, Mon 10 Dec 2007, 19:00, closed)
My girlfriend's dog has done that to me.But as she's a mimsy little Jack Russell who insists on sleeping under the covers behind my knees, that places her every night just below my arse.
Do I take revenge in kind? Goddam right.
Several times it's been enough to send her scurrying out from under the covers to hide under the bed. Those nights I lie there and grin in the dark.
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The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 10 Dec 2007, 22:15,
closed)
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