I love Swansea for it's free-roaming horses....
...that always seem to have a chav hanging off a blue tow rope with them. Surprisingly down 'ere the chav's choice of weapon is not the pitbull terrier or the dirty alsation but a fully grown and rather terrified horse. I used to live in a suburb called Penlan (well it's almost a suburb, it should be surrounded by a moat tbh) and we would regularly see the tracksuit donning chavs wonder past dragging the poor horses down the road. They'd leave them tied up in playgrounds etc at night too; the RSPCA started a bit of a feud after a few years of this eventually.

But I digress.

This one particular saturday afternoon cue a young teenage Jeccy wondering through the Penlan estate on his way to his friends house. Cue Jeccy deciding to walk off the main road and take a shortcut through the playground saving valuable seconds on the walk. Cue Jeccy noticing a small pony running mentally about the playground, completely soaked in the previous night's rain and attempting to break free from his tow-rope reigns. Cue Jeccy looking slightly puzzled and feeling rather sad for the poor horsey. Cue aforementioned horsey snapping the rope and going fecking mental. Cue Jeccy saying "Oh fuck...". Cue horsey seeing the closest human quickly followed by seeing the red mist. Cue Jeccy turning around and running like feck. Cue horsey beginning the sprint towards Jeccy. Cue Jeccy filling his pants. Cue horsey getting closer. Cue Jeccy running for a gap between two parked cars on a road just ahead. Cue horsey smelling the blood. Cue Jeccy biting his tongue; his bladder swelling with the urine that so wants to come out. Cue horsey almost reaching his target. Cue Jeccy diving head-first between the gap by the cars. Cue horsey sprinting full speed into the wing of a parked Orion, knocking itself unconcious and setting the car alarm off. Cue Jeccy sprinting the fuck out of dodge.

I can only imagine what the car owner saw when they went to turn the alarm off. I didn't look back.

EDIT YES I'VE REMOVED THE 2 FECKING MISTAKES YOU BUNCH OF PEDANTIC CUNT-DRESSERS, NOW GO BACK TO YOUR CROSSWORDS YOU FECKING NERDS. Well I say bunch, was only 2 mistakes. Errr.....soz :p *coughs*
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 11 Dec 2007, 8:31, 9 replies)

Orion
Probably the best ever use of a Ford Orion I've heard!

But I would suggest a trip to the doctor is in order if your bowel is swelling with urine...

Edit: Bah, he's corrected it. Honest folks, it said bowel instead of bladder originally!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 11 Dec 2007, 8:58, closed)

Bowel? Wtf are you talking about Willis?
ninja!!!!
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 11 Dec 2007, 9:07, closed)

Cue
overkill of the word cue! lol.
(boosh, Tue 11 Dec 2007, 9:40, closed)

^^bah, left me auto-cue on

( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 11 Dec 2007, 9:43, closed)

Closet Human?
Are you normally in disguise as a Badger, ashamed of your true species?
( FlexAlux laughed at something inappropriate on, Tue 11 Dec 2007, 9:43, closed)

Fuck me, the pedantic crew are in today...
:)

I've never claimed to be human; twas something stamped on me by poor education :p
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 11 Dec 2007, 9:48, closed)

Well, if we're being pedantic
You have a superfluous apostrophe in the title.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 11 Dec 2007, 9:54, closed)

*buys noose*
*looks for tree branch*
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 11 Dec 2007, 9:55, closed)

WTF?
I don't get it. Why would a chav have a horse? Don't they all live in council estates/tenements? How could they have room and take care of it?

Is this a real live eat-hay-whinny-poop-road-apples horse or another british thing like "Let screw up the Americans and call the first floor the second floor".

Is a "chav horse" a Neopolitan mastiff or something? (Sort of how the Michigan state "bird" is the mosquito on joke T shirts.)

C'mon, put me out of my misery here.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Wed 12 Dec 2007, 15:35, closed)