that cold wet nose...
i was once dating a girl who had a little yorkie terrier. now i'm not too sold on the ol' barkin rats anyway, but this was particularly crabby and vile- it used to yip like it was on meth whenever i came in, growl when i kissed her, try to bite me, trip me up. now her parents HATEWD me- the dog however was their pride and joy. they hated me, and in return, i made it my duty to fuck their teenage daughter in every room of their house.
so we're in her TINY box room (so small the door opens OUT- remember this), trying to fuck quietly (ah, the risk of being caught... mmmmmm) folks are downstairs watching corrie, or some other horrible shit. anyhow, i'm there on the bed at some peculiar angle, going like the clappers when suddenly something very cold and wet touches RIGHT on my bunghole! naturally, i jumped viloently, and flailed an arm behind me, grabbing the dog which presumably was under the bed... lost my balance, fell back, my free hand hit the doorhandle, the door flew open, i fell out with the now-hysterical barking rat still gripped in my hand & yelping like a mad thing, just as her dad steps out of the toilet at the end of the hall to see a naked and tumescent peteloaf rolling round on his hall carpet like an upturned woodlouse, clutching the beloved family pet with his naked daughter lying on the bed in stitches.
needless to say i was barred from the house for a while.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Sat 26 Apr 2008, 2:11, 1 reply)

I liked
when you said 'tumescent'.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 26 Apr 2008, 3:43, closed)