Snake vs. trouser snake
I was at my ambulance station waiting for the next case and the front door bell rang.
A rather distressed tourist explained that her partner had been bitten by a snake. Now this is quite common in the tropical parts of north Australia and although most snakes locally are pythons (non-venomous) there are dangerous ones too, so we treat all cases as venomous until proven otherwise by blood tests.
Went out to their car and the victim explains that he stopped at the roadside to have a piss and felt a sting on his cock and saw a big snake sliver away. Sure enough, he had the telltale double puncture marks on his spam javelin so off to hospital we go.

I gave a nice accurate description of the case on the radio so that the whole of the region – including the media – would hear it.
Halfway to hospital the patient starts hallucinating which is a bit odd considering it turned out to be a non-venomous bite.
Got to hospital and had to put up with all the predictable “So, did you suck the poison out for him?” and “What size compression bandage did you need to use?”

Frankly, any swelling he receieved was to his benefit...
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Fri 3 Jun 2005, 2:55, Reply)