My problem is - I've always wanted to cop a feel off of Angelina Jolie. And now, I can't, obviously. So I wrote a poem about it....
I really wanted to get my hands
On Angelina Jolie’s mammary glands
I just want her organs of lactation
She had ‘em chopped off in a tit operation.
They’re really good, I’m not a cynic
I went through the bins at the Hollywood clinic
It’s for the best now, she supposes
I hunt for the puppies with their little pink noses
My search is thorough, i don’t use haste
Trawling through skips of medical waste
I couldn’t find them - fancy that!
Just bags of liposuction fat
That smelled so rank i lost my humours
And just found bin bags full of tumours
But then I ran right out of patience
I couldn’t find A.J.’s amputations
I threw some tantrums and some fits
Just where were Angelina Jolie’s tits?
So ploughing on, ignored my cautions
Unearthed a vat of late term abortions
And tons of cocks - a huge consignment
From loads of gender realignment
I’ll never find them here, i bet
So logged my phone on the internet
I looked online - and was I glad!
I found her tits on a CraigsList ad!
I skipped around like a ballerina
I’ll buy the milk-churns of Angelina!
Just like the quest for the grail, so holy,
So close now to the knockers of Jolie!
Damn horny - my cock started dripping
But they didn’t do international shipping
That’s crap, that’s shit, that’s total cobblers
I’ll never get my hands on A.J.’s wobblers.
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Fri 31 May 2013, 8:47, 6 replies)

Too late.
Brad made them into bars of soap.
(username failed moderation, Fri 31 May 2013, 8:52, closed)

Ahhhh....!
Well done!
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Fri 31 May 2013, 10:27, closed)

i dun a pome too
There once was a creepy internet virgin,
Who behaved like a creepy internet virgin,
The charmless prick
Was a charmless prick
And a total fucking internet virgin.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 31 May 2013, 9:11, closed)

Needs a bit more work, really.
But that's just my opinion, though.
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Fri 31 May 2013, 10:29, closed)

you are John Clarke aicmfp

( 4Q just lurking, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:08, closed)

what a frightfully witty poem
bravo
( brown-wings Made with three kinds of butter, Fri 31 May 2013, 9:16, closed)