1. Golf to be outlawed, cos it's just a load of old farts dressed in ridiculous outfits knocking a silly little ball round Telly Tubby Land.
2. The only approved hand drier will be the Dyson Airblade - those crappy Warner Howard World Dryer Corporation™ ones that are useless would be banned, as well as those stupid new ones that sound like a scramjet and still don't dry your hands.
3. Football to be banned, that goes without saying.
4. McDonald's can no longer call their outlets "restaurants". Restaurants have cutlery.
5. The death penalty for anyone found driving with their fog lights on when there is no fog.
6. Nationalise ebay.
7. Every man be given a real "get out of jail free card", which actually gets you out of jail, free.

Just for starters.
(Bob the Builder killed Captain Alex, Thu 23 Apr 2015, 18:50, 4 replies)

1. Yes
2. Fuck you.

1.a. Dryers

2.ii. They've got cutlery you daft bleeder. It's shitty plastic but dey goddid.
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Thu 23 Apr 2015, 19:56, closed)

I wouldn't ban football.
I'd ban training for it... all teams need to be a random draft from the town that the club is in, with a different team each week.

As for the Dyson Airblade, they could be improved: the sensor is not in quite the right spot so they always turn off when I'm doing the very tips of my middle fingers, which means I have to have my hands out of phase with each other, so that one hand remains in the sensor at all times.

Also, we can't ban golf, because otherwise my parents won't have anything to do and that could be extremely dangerous.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Thu 23 Apr 2015, 20:28, closed)

I think that Enzyme summed it up...
...when he suggested that we hold a world cup that decides football forever.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 24 Apr 2015, 9:27, closed)

1. Yes, though only in England. In Scotland, golf is a laid-back, cheap, scruffy sport
2. No, we have those in work and they're shit. Noisy blasts of cold air that don't dry our hands at all.
3. Not banned, just given far less attention.
4. Total agreement.
5. Not death penalty, just a week's hard labour.
6. Eh?
(Porcupine, Fri 24 Apr 2015, 11:59, closed)