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This is a question Babysitters

Dazbrilliantwhites asks: You've had them and maybe even have been one. Or maybe you were once babysat by someone who is now a notorious serial killer. Tell us your stories.

(, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 12:15)
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Hey, I can make this qualify.
So, we were looking after our wee cousin yesterday. I say wee; he's 16 and taller than me, but I remember when he was an ankle biter so it counts.

Anyway, he'd come to Edinburgh (where we live) from Maldon, Essex (where he lives, and where more importantly my mum was born before she moved up here and had three boys. Also my dad's from London. This is important). Cousin's from arable farming background and was looking to go into stock farming, so his aunt (mum) agreed to take him to the farming museum in East Kilbride to have a look-see. I don't know why, maybe they don't have chickens where he lives.
Me and Middle Brother agreed to go with them. Or at least were too half-asleep to disagree.
So off we trot, drivey drive to airport where his uncle hands him over, drivey drive to Glasgow, get lost, find place, have coffee (much needed) and then set off around the farm.

This place is run by both the National Trust and National Museums, and as such it's pretty interesting for a building full of tractors and three square miles of mud and cows. We wandered around, chatting with Cousin and each other and generally having a good time.
Especially when Mum was petting a cow and it coughed about three litres of phlegm up her sleeve.

Then we had an excellent lunch in the associated cafe, then we went home and dropped Cousin off. Nothing out of the ordinary you might think.

At tea later that night, we noticed, however, that Middle Brother was seething.
Now, let me clarify again. Mum from Essex, dad from London. We're English, let's face it, born in Embra or no (I've tried persuading my Scots friends otherwise, and given up). And we sure as hell don't sound Scottish. Him even less so than me, since he...I don't want to use the 'A' word on this board, so let's just say he doesn't get out much.
MB has occasionally expressed some strange views on nationality. Often starting with "The problem with the English/Americans is...", they tend to provoke the reaction "Er, have you thought this all the way through?".* He graduated spectacularly from 'half-arsed and under-informed' to 'openly retarded' that dinner however, when he came out with the immortal line:

"I just hate it when the English come up here, disrespecting other cultures and being so terribly...well, English!"

Spoken in cut-glass RP, of course. Jesus sodomising Christ. I'm still baffled. I'm all for idiot bigotry, but against your own genetic and cultural background? And based on a single day visit by a perfectly affable cousin?
In a hilarious display of his grasp of irony, he's so enraged by my failure to understand his attitude on this that he's leaving the house for a couple of days to cool down. Who's he off to stay with? Well, our mum has two siblings. Cousin's father, and a sister...

*Properly, "Er, have you thought this all the way through, or are you taking one personality trait you heard about one time in a single person, probably in a book, and deciding it represents an entire culture because you know fuck all about people individually let alone as a group?"
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 9:27, 6 replies)
I always
see teh Scots as a little more easy going than the Welsh and the Irish, when it comes to hating the English (unless you're caught in the wrong area) but this reminds me of a story an ex colleague told me about a trip to Ireland. He was there in a pub in southern Ireland and was accosted by three massive blokes who declared that they hated the English and he should leave, his response was,

"So do I, that's why I’m here".

Apparently the whole pub erupted in hysterics and brought him drinks for the rest of the night. I have remembered this line for emergencies, although, at least I’m not American may work equally as well here. My basis for this joke is their mid-term elections
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 9:47, closed)
Ah, but
we're not talking about The Scots, we're talking about one dubiously-Scottish moron. My brother has made me very suspicious of ever saying anything about 'The (Nationality)'.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 10:08, closed)
Generalisations are dangerous. Including this one.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 10:18, closed)
I'm not.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 11:54, closed)
You're merely a colonelisation, though.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:13, closed)
him a plastic Jock, although it may be good to leave it, so at least he feels as though he has an idendity...
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 11:32, closed)
At my cousin's wedding near Dundee, my uncle gave a fine speech, in which he thanked everyone for coming, citing there were people from Australia ("HOOARY!"), New Zealand ("HOORAY!"), Africa ("HOORAY!") and even from as far as England ("BOO! CUNTS! FUCK OFF ENGLISH CUNTS!").

It was fucking pathetic.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 10:21, closed)
I don't think he's actually racist, just very, very, VERY confused.
If I may go all internet-psychologist for a moment, I think it's to do with a desperate need for some kind of identity and sense of belonging, possibly relating to the fact that as a bit of an A-Word, he doesn't get much of said sense anywhere.

That doesn't excuse him from actually giving a second of thought to the shit he says, of course.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 10:28, closed)
as an English-accented if not entirely English
person living in Edinburgh, I also get heartily sick of this.

Disliking people on the basis of their origin...something they can't help...sounds suspiciously like le racisme to moi.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 10:28, closed)
I liked Frankie Boyle's take on Mel Gibson
"What an outstanding actor! First he acts as a Scottish hero, and then it turns out he's an alcoholic racist ... "
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 10:30, closed)
Go back to where you came from! :P
Heh. I'm glad I'm not the only one.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 10:37, closed)

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