Not technically a date. More a kind of fig.
So there I was - walking back from a boozer in Brighton to crash round a mate's place, drunk as three lords gaffataped together, happily staggering down the middle of the road at around midnight, with Chris, and his then girlfriend. Each of us was jabbering away slurred gibberish, as you do. Then - a woman's voice shouts out to me "LAURENCE!!!"
Now, Laurence is not my name.
It's my friends name - and I look nothing like him.
I look round, and it's Jules, a girl I've met quite a few times (we even went in the same group to Glastonbury twice) but don't really know that well.
"LAURENCE!" She screeches at me, "Laurence! Hi! Wanna come back to mine?!?"
Er……yes? My drunken mind says, and then my face, so I end up going off with her to her flat. But only after my mate's girlfriend gives me a parting look that, even in my addled state, clearly says "are you SERIOUSLY going beck to this psychotic, mad goth's house when she's mistaken you for someone else?"
Anyway...
Back at hers - I go and have a much needed piss.
When I come back out into the living room, she's got some music video channel playing, with a video from the everyone's favourite "band you love to hate", U2 playing. And Jules is kneeling in front of the TV, topless, with her nipples brushing against the face of bespectacled twat Bono.
And she stayed there for the duration of the song - then the next song, and the next song - with no reaction to any of my questions at all . . that’s all she did.
Rub her nipples over the TV.

I woke up in her bed (edit- Where The Sheets Had No Stains) in the morning fully clothed.
She went to work.
I met her for a pint after work the next day and it was staggeringly awkward.

She did, however, eventually find Laurence.
They made a weird couple, but a couple none the less.

For a fortnight.

TL;DR - I watched, in drunken fascination, a goth with amphetamine psychosis, who thought I was someone else, rub her nipples over a TV screen for about half an hour.
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 11:14, 4 replies)

I rather like this.
It fits the brief.

Which is more than can be said for YM.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 11:45, closed)

alright Laurence
On a more serious note, I like this.
( .Yeti., Fri 18 Oct 2013, 11:47, closed)

Why didn't you put your face where Boneos face was?

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 12:12, closed)

I should have done.
I like to think I live life on The Edge.
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 12:15, closed)

Oh dear gods, woman!
Now is not the time for punning!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 12:16, closed)

It never is, though is it?!?
All I want is a specified time for punning.
That's ALL I want.
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 12:23, closed)

Go and sit in the corner.
You know why. And no rubbing your nipples against the wall.
( .Yeti., Fri 18 Oct 2013, 12:46, closed)

Not even if I rub them against the wall
in Mysterious Ways?
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 13:09, closed)

It depends on whether or not you have the Desire.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 13:34, closed)

Yes, but did she suck you off in the pictures?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 14:31, closed)

No.
AND she didn't give me £5 for it...
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 14:47, closed)