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This is a question Banks

Your Ginger Fuhrer froths, "I hate my bank. Not because of debt or anything but because I hate being sold to - possibly pathologically so - and everytime I speak to them they try and sell me services. Gold cards, isas, insurance, you know the crap. It drives me insane. I ALREADY BANK WITH YOU. STOP IT. YOU MAKE ME FRIGHTED TO DO MY NORMAL BANKING. I'm angry even thinking about them."

So, tell us your banking stories of woe.

No doubt at least one of you has shagged in the vault, shat on a counter or thrown up in a cash machine. Or something

(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:15)
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I used to work for a bank....
For a while I fixed banking computers for Lloyds-TSB. Despite doing the job for a year, it has given me a wealth of stories to tell. These are pretty geeky, but highlights include...

Opening a 4704 (a big old banking computer) to upgrade it to a massive 512KB of RAM (yes... really). Inside I found dust bunnies the size of my face and a wodge of old oncers which someone had helpfully stuffed in there.

Walking into a staff break room. The branch was entirely staffed by women and they'd "decorated" the walls with cut outs from magazines. All the pictures were of semi-naked guys with long black hair. I am a (fully clothed) guy with long black hair. I've never felt more uncomfortable in my life.

Watching a series of ATMs being "upgraded" to Windows - then having to wire them up to a token ring network. This was 2002!

Finally, I was in a branch at the end of the day - the chief cashier had forgotten to order any fivers for delivery in the morning. So she popped over to HSBC to see if they could order extra.
The next morning, I watched her fill a Sainsbury's carrier bag with £50 notes, walk across the street and return a few minutes later with a couple of bags of fivers. Security? Yeah, they'd heard of it!

Never trust a bank with anything. Keep your money in your mattress.
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:32, 4 replies)
"Keep your money in your mattress"
I used to do this, but then I got a bit paranoid, so I decided to keep my mattress in the bank.

I don't sleep so good no more.
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:36, closed)
windows 3.11 presumably
I used to sniff rings for a living, until they moved to ethernet. Proper ethernet that is - yellow and half an inch in diameter.
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:43, closed)
you used to sniff rings for a living
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:59, closed)
I had my card retained once
late at night in an ATM at a (closed) petrol station. I put it in the slot, typed my PIN, then watched as the machine reset itself complete with Windows startup screen...
(, Sun 19 Jul 2009, 2:10, closed)

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