Ah banks...I've got a tale...
I used to bank with an institution that rhythms with 'haemorrhoids' (and let's be honest - they are a pain in the arse) - had my (meagre) wages paid in there, direct debits setup for bills etc., everything was great.

Then, after a few years with them, one month I got a letter saying a direct debit hadn't been paid.

"Strange," thinks I, "There was money in there...". After investigating online (I chose this option to do my bit and save the trees or some such bollocks, so no paper except for the monthly statement), I found that all of my carefully planned debits had been cancelled.

Being the generally peace loving chap I am, I cheerfully set them all up again, spreading them over the month as before so avoid any bank charges for going over my overdraft (what overdraft?).

Next month - same thing...grr. I, slightly less cheerfully than before, set them up again.

Next month - same thing. Set them all up again, and went back to my happy place.

Wasn't until I decided to top up a pay-as-you-go mobile using the ATM one morning that I realised something was up - the machine kept my card.

Fuming, I got to work, logged into my account to find that yes, I had cash in there and therefore should have been ok with the top-up. As soon as they opened (and I'd managed to track down a number for the local branch), I called the bank to ask what the blithering fuck was going on?

Their reply? "But sir, your account was closed 3 months ago."

WTF?

They. Closed. My. Account.

Without notifying me in anyway.

When I pointed this out to the drone on the phone (heh - poetry), they assured me I'd been sent a letter. I pointed out that mine was a paperless account and I only get the monthly statements and had received no notification - why would I continue to have my wages paid into a closed account?

After about 20 minutes of this, I'd had enough. "Right!" I roared (poetic license), "I'll be down in about 15 minutes, and you'd better have the balance of my account, in cash ready for me." and hung up.

Got to the bank, presented myself to the cashier and told them I'd come to pickup the balance from my account. She wandered off and came back 2 minutes later saying "A cheque will be sent out to your address..."

I lost the plot at this point, demanded to see a supervisor, informed them that THEY'D shut my account with no notification to me, and that if I didn't get EVERY SINGLE PENNY, PLUS DUE INTEREST, I'd be phoning the old bill regarding theft.

Took them about 45 seconds to count out the £83.47 or so, I stuck 2 fingers up at the camera, mooned it, and fucked off.

So now I use another set of wbankers now, and they even allow me an overdraft...

Apologies for lack of funneh, but there's nothing funny about banks.

Length? about 3 years now, and still happy(ish)
( snee held his breath since, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:47, 7 replies)

A click...
...for rage.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 14:09, closed)

I'm clicking not for rage
but the comedy of all that high-horsing and then undermining it with the low figure of eighty quid.
( rob, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 14:15, closed)

^ this
Did you only work 3 hours a month or something. (Min wage, ish)
(Kip, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 15:51, closed)

Don't want to go into too many details...
Can I just say that the amount shown on my payslip isn't quite all I earn.
( snee held his breath since, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 16:23, closed)

Ahhh...
Bit like me then.

A good accountant's good at doing that, I only paid £1.30 PAYE last year, shame the Corp tax wasn't a similar amount!
(Kip, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 13:15, closed)

Click
nuff said, mate... grrrrr....
( SpankyHanky, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 16:46, closed)

I particularly enjoyed
the gratuitous mooning
(lordylordington, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 19:57, closed)