Ouch...
.
Long ago and far away I worked as a consultant for TSB.

It was that far back that I was designing the rollout from Windows 2.0 to Windows 3.11.

We had an engineer called Rob. A really lovely bloke but he was ugly and had *zero* social skills - especially with women. But the thing was Rob *knew* he was ugly. He *knew* that women found him repulsive and he'd accepted it.

With blokes he was OK but quiet. He could take a joke even if he was sometimes a bit slow on the uptake. He could do his job - follow exact instructions on a crib-sheet and if it didn't work Phone me, mark the PC with a big red X and move on. In short, a nice guy who could do his (limited) job.

Then we hit head-office.

Within a week I had the HR Harpies circling. (aside: has anyone else ever noticed that HR are almost always women?..)They'd had a complaint.

The complaint came from the receptionist on the floor to The Treasury, which was also the floor where me and my engineers were based. Apparently, when Rob came into work, he got the lift up to our floor, the lift bells dinged, and the receptionist then put on a beaming smile. That was her job. Most people coming to that floor were important and an impression had to be made.

Sadly, a lot of the time it was me or a member of my team and the false smile would drop and she'd get back to what she was doing. (Filing her nails springs to mind.)

But with Rob it was different. The bell would ding, he'd come out of the lift, she'd beam at him, he'd go red and scurry for the safety of the engineers room. What he never saw 'cos he couldn't hold eye-contact with any woman, was the look of disgust that came over her face.

I'm woffling now I fear.

So the complaint went in. She felt violated and ashamed by his reaction. A smile from her put him in a frenzy that left her feeing unsafe (he went red and ran to the comfort of the engineers room.) He never, in the whole time he was there, spoke to her, e-mailed her, had conversations about her - in short, he didn't do a single thing wrong -except be shy and ugly.

And so the Harpies descended.

They demanded that I fire Rob. I mean, he wasn't a *real* employee - he was a contractor, brought in to implement my upgrades. And here was me thinking..

"I'm a contractor as well. I'm only here because you don't have the skills in-house to do this. And he's done fuck-all wrong...."

Upshot was a seriously shouty meeting with me saying "He goes -I go!" and a compromise reached.

I wouldn't let them sack him and they wouldn't let him work on-site as, and I para-phrase, "he's a potential rapist",.

"You mean - just like me? I'm a man. I'm a "potential rapist" I'm also, potentially, the discoverer of the cure for cancer".....

It ended up with me shifting Rob to the warehouse where he'd unpack the new stuff coming in, load my image, and make sure everything worked.

He kept "a job" - but I lost a decent engineer as some blonde bimbo "knew her rights.."


Shall I just mention now that I'm incerdibly drunk?.....

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 14:48, 8 replies)

Good Lad
Good lad legless for standing your ground on that one.
Effing HR, happened to a mate of mine who sent a humourous photo around and then realised it was slightly dodgey (had a young girl on it) and one of the other blokes complained to HR instead of doing the right thing and having a quiet word with said colleague.
Upshot was that she got a verbal warning from HR when she's one of the best workers i know and she made an homest and unthinking mistake.
We're just waiting for the complainer to upset one person too many!

Good job on being drunk too! Wish i was otu drinking now, stuck in work instead
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 14:55, closed)

damn
that's farking awful that is...
(zero.coke, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 14:56, closed)

The irony is...
...now that companies have gone for out-sourcing in a big way, it's always the harpies in PR that get the boot first.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 15:02, closed)

Re: HR Harpies
I once had the wonderful treat of two of them discussing me in the third person as I sat within arms length of them - never mind earshot.

They were discussing my cv and speculating about it without ever turning around and asking me for clarification in person.
(Fanta Menace Is tall enough to see over the fence, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 16:10, closed)

Bleedin' HR
Good for nothings. Ironic really, they seem to have no idea about Human Relations whatsoever. And they can't even get recruitment done properly: wrong times for interviews, wrong letters sent out etc. A law unto themselves.

[nearly as bad as those twunts from IT - YES, I have tried re-booting!!!]
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 16:13, closed)

You're spot on about HR being exclusively a woman's role...

A nosey woman's role to be more specific (in my experience).

So imagine my surprise when I found our site HR rep tidying herself up to meet the Company HR Uberfuhrer today and in walked...

A bloke who looked like Bryan Ferry's grandad!

I sat and waited for the paradox to destroy the universe...

...

It hasn't happened yet, but I'm going to continue waiting down the pub.

(any excuse)

oh, but before I go...please accept a click from me
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 24 Jan 2008, 18:45, closed)

he was a fucking RAPIST and you left him alone with VULNERABLE WOMEN who he probably RAPED AND GUTTED AND CANNIBALISED, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW YOU BASTARD?
hello

I haven't slept for a few days!
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 5:03, closed)

Fucking HR
My favorite experience with HR was having to explain the company's maternity leave policy to the HR bimbo who specializes in leave policy just so I could get my 3 months maternity leave
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Thu 31 Jan 2008, 3:24, closed)