Office Fuckwit
The chap in question (whom I shall call X) was at first the nicest chap in the office when I started. He always made the effort to speak to the new starters and seemed quite an affable chap.

However, he was completely useless as a programmer. His work was so bad that we would have daily meetings to go over it. We would find 25 faults, he'd make no notes and the next day he would have fixed 2 (kind of) and introduced another 5.

He also had a habbit of coming out with the weirdest of stuff:
"I was dancing with one of my sister's bridesmades at her wedding and it was only afterwards that someone told me she was a lesbian!"
Now, I don't know any lesbians, but I'm guessing that they're neither poisonous, extremely flamable, explosive, neurotoxic or likely to attack without warning. We never did find out why he was so surprised by this.

He also decided to touch up a few rust spots on his car by sanding it down, spraying it by hand and applying laquer. Remember the episode of Father Ted where he tries to tap the dent out of the car and ends up putting dents all over it? This basically happened with his car, the paint was wrecked all over it.
He then announced he was going to spend £500 having his £900 car resprayed professionally. Everyone in the office pointed out how this didn't make an financial sense but he still did it.
And then the engine packed in a couple of months later and the car had to be scrapped.

He was eventually sacked, one of his last acts was allegedly putting the word "bollocks" on a live customer-facing web page, presumably to make sure he was editting the correct page. The company who found it also happened to be the company who owned us and they wasted no time phone our CEO.
(Hagis, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 23:30, 1 reply)

Talking of cars
Back in the 80's working for a computer company as an engineer we were all given brand new cars. Then a company memo came out about 2 months later saying we should try to ensure we clean the cars weekly as we may have clients in them. Queue one of my asian colleagues who clearly hadn't done this before *cleaning* his car with T-Cut.
He must have polished really hard as parts of the previously white car now showed silver! heh.. heh.. twas funny to see!
(Slackness, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 8:50, closed)