recruitment agencies
They MUST be full of wankers. Every agent I've had dealings with was an illiterate moron. You know the drill: you fill in the endless forms detailing every last element of your life, your qualifications, experience and expectations - and they send you your job match. For example:

Education: PhD in Computer science
Experience: ten years working for Microsoft
Salary expectations: £50,000
Location: central London

Job match:shelf stacker in Glasgow for £5.50 an hour

What's going through their tiny, shrivelled minds? That perhaps you'll say to yourself: "Well, I was getting a bit bored with the computers. I think I'll have a crack at minimum-wage slavery for a while."
(frankspencer, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 11:38, 7 replies)

I was turned down
When I applied for a job as a hotel cleaner on the grounds that I didn't have the required skills. What fucking skills do you need when an uneducated illegal immigrant can do the job?
(frankspencer, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 11:52, closed)

Hell yeah
I was resisting the temptation to have a bit of a rant about recruitment agencies, but I'll put a few things here now.

(Incidentally, are the vast majority of people with the word "Agent" in their job title useless fecktards? For Recruitment and Estate, it definately seems so.)

You're very right about the paying no attention to what you've actually done, and instead following their own little tickboxes about 'experience'. For example, for a long time I struggled to get office work, despite the fact I can use Word, Excel, Outlook etc., and am capable of typing large amounts of data into a spreadsheet accurately, so could do lowest level data entry at the very least. But because I didn't have 'Office Experience', I'm only good for manual jobs.

Also, please don't lie to me. "We're sending you to [wherever], it's for two days initially, but they say they may well take you on for longer." At [wherever]: "What? No, we just needed you while x was off ill." I don't mind covering when there's nothing else, I do mind you lot lying and making me look a bit of a tit for (apparently) completely misunderstanding the nature of the employment.

Finally: If I have told you (repeatedly) that I am limited to public transport, no I can't get out somewhere random not on the train network, or give someone a lift.

Oh, and if you want me to do a 6pm-6am night shift, fine, but please call me before 5:45pm. And then do the same thing the next three nights running. You twats.

As a disclaimer, the agency that got me my current job do seem to actually know what they're doing.
(Bearded Whumpus In chav Britain, schoolgirl offers sweets to YOU!, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 11:58, closed)

You can only assume
That they recruited their own staff the same way....

"Hmmmm - previous experience as a shelf. Not shelf stacker, just a shelf. Skills involve remembering to breathe, staring vacantly, and calling in sick. Welcome to Bastard & Fuckup Recruitment PLC!"
(osok Rebel without a clue, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 12:12, closed)

Moronic computer actaully
You think these overpaid grubby little ex media studies students do any work? No there is a computer matching algorithm that does the match thing then they just spend 5mins calling you and 5mins calling the company to pass the details on. That'll be £5000 from the company and 10% of your pay please.
(manbear84, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 12:28, closed)

10% of my pay?
Chance would be a fine thing, thieving bar stewards.
(Bearded Whumpus In chav Britain, schoolgirl offers sweets to YOU!, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 13:08, closed)

Recruitment nazi
For being a Geography student with nothing but a desmond i had to do my time as a recruitment consultant - i lasted 7 months. As i mainly recruited more RCs for other RC firms I can fully appreciate what an utter bunch of total cunts they all are and i wouldn't defend them at all. I am well known for my ability to be a complete cunt, ask Legless.

However, on one occasion i had to recruit nine C++, C and VB people for a financial treasury software company - for a tasty fee of 33% starting salary - but the firm stated "we don't want any computer science people" hmmm. Now, I accept that this is probably the wrong site to complain about geeks but one guy i interviewed when asked if he'd like a drink - got up and went to the company kitchen - he found a banana and a sandwich - brought them back to the interview room and ate them. I've got to hand it to the guy, it was my lunch. Obvioulsy I recommended him for a job.

Please note, no-one actually wants to be a recruitment consultant i think it was that or becoming a rent boy underneath brighton pier and the hours for that are even worse.
(i anglepoise, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 15:06, closed)

Street sweeper
Writing up geology Phd while on the dole - offered (and expected to take) a job as a street sweeper - now no dissing street sweepers, but it would be a result for the jobcentre if I threw away x years of education and several zillions of taxpayers pounds to sweep up greggs wrappers - wtf?
(Chevron71 is oscillating wildly...., Sat 26 Jan 2008, 0:28, closed)