Fish and gits
I've been working in the same placed for a number of years now, running into all manner of headcases. My all time favourite was Steve. Steve was from Leeds and proclaimed this loudly about once every half an hour, he had the amazing habit of his mouth literally moving too fast for his brain to form the words, which left him looking like some kind of stuttering lunatic. Another fellah we worked with, John, was a really lovely bloke, married, nice house, top car, two kids. He'd do anything for anybody, which makes the next part really quite heartbreaking. You see John smelled. John smelled really bad. Like an unclean vagina. Like rotten fish in a dustbin. Like sweat and cheese and sour milk. Words really can't describe it but that's as close as I can get.
One blistering summers day. John was making himself useful and causing the rest of us to gag and open every window in the office wider. Why didn't we tell him he had a problem? I often lie awake at night running this through my head. Surely John himself must have realised his odour. He was just so bloody nice and friendly none of us had the heart to hurt his feelings to tell him he smelled of a dead tramps unwashed arse. None of us except Steve of course. A few minutes of being in John's company led to the wonderful outburst...
"Jesus fuckin' chrise, wha's that smell? I'm goin'a fuckin' vomih here!"
John looks innocent and carries on filing paperwork. Some investigation by Steve led him to the source.
"Iz you ya fishy bastard! you dirty fishy bastard, when was the last time you washed yer cock? jesus chrise"
At this I had to leave because I was laughing and didn't want to upset John further. It's such a shame, but what could I have done? It took a neanderthal brute with all the charm of a chav's afterbirth to save the day and I'm thankful. John's gone now but his legacy remains. Now we have a company cleanliness policy, where anyone with a body odour problem or smelly unpleasantness is asked politely by the area manager to go clean up or take the day off.

The weird thing is, sometimes, I actually find myself missing John's smell. Brrrrr.
(Suddenly, zebras Safe and sound for eternity, Sat 26 Jan 2008, 1:43, 1 reply)

Priorities
Just goes to show what's really important: smelling nice or being a decent human being.

(thinks about number of decent human beings worked with, as a percentage. gets sad)
(MrCanoehead Marzipaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!, Sat 26 Jan 2008, 13:28, closed)