I've worked with allot
of real "characters", to put it nicely.

Once I worked with a bunch of from Sunderland, me being born and raised in Kent we couldn't have been much more different, so it was quite a laugh working with them.

One guy was nick named Moon, due to his last name being Moonie. He was a proper northern chav, the sort of guy to wear blue levis, white Reebok classics and a Lacoste polo shirt. Anyway, we worked in St Albans so I had a fair old treck to get into the office, being given a lift by another weird bastard, but in comparrison to the Moonster, he was pretty normal.

Moon started off working quite well, trying to impress and all that, but it only took a few weeks for him to start nipping off home at lunch time to have a smoke on his bong before coming back into the office stoned. One day the boss had enough, he noticed Moon asleep at his desk and started laying into him. The boss wasn't completely stupid, which was great, because an old granny would have been able to notice that he was stoned. What did he say in his defence?

"The simple fact is, if you had told me not to come into the office stoned, I wouldn't have."

Thus and so, "The simple fact is" became his catch phrase. We would all use it to death every time we talked to him and he would not even notice, even if we were in fits of laughter.

Other simple Moon facts,

"The simple fact is, if you had told me to cover your plasma screen, I wouldn't have filled it with plaster while drilling a hole above it."

"The simple fact is, I'm gonna wrap that fucking pair of steps round your neck in a minute."

You gotta give it to him though, they were simple facts!

And just to proove how simple he was/is, one night I downloaded around 50 sounds with the word "Moon" in the title, and played them all day long whilst in the office. He just sang along quite happily...



Edit: Aahh! I almost forgot! One night we all went off to the pub and ended up leaving Moon there, he was going to meet us back at another collegaues where we were staying. What happened to him on his way home? Well "apparently", some guy came running out of nowhere and just jumped into a shop window, tearing himself to shreads.

"Simple fact is", Moon didn't throw him through the window in a drunken rage.
( Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Sun 27 Jan 2008, 20:18, Reply)