The List
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Long ago and far away, there was a psycho chap I shall call "B". B had a notebook, and in the notebook was "The List". The List had been compiled over many years and contained the names of every single person in the building (and it was a big building) who'd offended him in any way. Going back to the day he started.

If you offended him and then left (or got really lucky and died) then your name was scored through with red pen. It was all rather sinister, really. Not the sort of guy you'd ever trust with a weapon, that's for sure.

It didn't take much to offend him. I made it onto The List by laughing when, at the staff Christmas dinner, the toy fell out of his cracker and into his glass of wine. If he could have burned me at the stake, he would have. Instead, my name went into the notebook.

The years passed oh so slowly, and after being incarcerated there for far too many years, his retirement date beckoned. We all began to wonder - what would he do with The List? Would he work his way around the building on the last day, slapping offenders, righting wrongs (real or imaginary)?. Or would he buy us all a special present (not likely).

However, fate conspired against him. Poor old B. Denied whatever satisfaction he'd have gained from whatever he intended to do. The night before his final day at work, his manager got the maintenance guy to jemmy the lock on his desk and removed the notebook. He was unsurprised to find his own name entered on numerous occasions - apparently you got noted down every time you offended. If I'd known that I'd have gone for the record! I asked the boss how many times I was in it and the reply was "Less than me". I felt cheated!

B arrived on his last day at precisely 9am, clocked in and sat down. Noticed the busted lock and opened the drawer. Noted the loss of the precious notebook. Stood up, put on his coat and walked out. All without a single word spoken. No one I know ever saw him again. Although security were on alert for several weeks in case he came back and went postal.

Perhaps not so much a bastard as just downright weird. But there was a sense of hidden menace about the bloke, lurking just under the cheap scruffy shirts.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 28 Jan 2008, 16:02, 4 replies)

Quality office nutter spotting
Was his grandad in Dad's Army by any chance?

*click*
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Mon 28 Jan 2008, 16:15, closed)

Weirdly
he looked a bit like a younger (grubbier) John le whatsit from Dad's Army!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 28 Jan 2008, 16:20, closed)

Genius.
If I had a colleague who kept a List, I'd make it my personal crusade to get on there as much as humanly possible.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 28 Jan 2008, 16:24, closed)

I only know one bloke with a list.
He's alright really but a bit wierd (strongly believes in UFO's and pretty much any other conspiracy going).

I decided not to get myself 'listed' though, as I'm aware that he was arrested in connection with various firearms and explosive devices.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Mon 28 Jan 2008, 17:33, closed)