Playing doctor in the bedroom.
Did you know that male turtles dump their genitalia outside their bodies to mate? And that the tiny retractor muscle is prone to damage, leaving said genitalia unable to –er—turtle? Ever?

I learned this when my flatmate did. It was her turtle.

I myself had a hardier pet, a mongoose.

One wavy line~
Then we learned that surgery to correct the turtle’s problem does not exist in either (a) our veterinarian community, or (b) the salary range of the average twunty *barely legal* teenager.

It does, however, exist in the repertoire of Kipling, my pet mongoose. I found little Tootie in my bedroom, where he ought not to be. He was under my bed, on his back, little feet slowly waving in the air. His silhouette was reassuringly turtle-like, and I reached under the bed and grabbed him to protect him from the Kip. It took me a moment to realize that “he looks fine” meant that I was too late and he had just been given a mongoose-performed genitali-ectomy.

Or as Kipling would regard it, “lunch.”

Length, about 1cm.
( kila is reading clocks upside-down as usual, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 10:19, 6 replies)

So your story is, "I'm an irresponsible keeper of animals"?

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 10:27, closed)

My flatmate was an irresponsible keeper of --well, anything.
I'd no idea my flatmate had let her turtle loose in my room (!) and I let Kip out of the cage for some usual floortime. Kip wouldn't come out from under my bed so I went to investigate. I took Tootie to the vet and performed the prescribed antibiotic enemas on him for weeks because she refused to do so.

When Tootie eventually died, I suspect it was because she starved him, poor eunuch!
( kila is reading clocks upside-down as usual, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 18:58, closed)

So your story is "My pet mongoose ate the turtle's cock"?
I'm not mocking, I just want to be absolutely sure...
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Sun 26 Jun 2011, 10:08, closed)

It's a cock and balls story.
The whole package looked like kidneys.
( kila is reading clocks upside-down as usual, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 3:58, closed)

How quickly did your irises react?
Bloody andys...
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 19:16, closed)

The image of Tooties legs flailing in the air...slowly, so slowly...
is forever burned on my retinas. Absolute agony, poor bugger.
( kila is reading clocks upside-down as usual, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 5:48, closed)