Where do vampires keep their savings?
in the blood bank.

Fuck off, I can't think of anything better right now.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:48, 4 replies)

I can.
Two vampires head out at night to eat. They head off in seperate directions, agreeing to meet later.

An hour later, the first vampire is waiting for the other to return. He's failed to find anything to eat and is starving and pissed off.

The second vampire comes back, fresh red blood dripping from his mouth and fangs.

The first one says, 'I couldn't find a single thing to eat, where did you get all that blood'

The second one says, 'Come, I'll show you'

They fly for about 10 minutes, and eventually the second vampire says - 'See that low bridge up ahead'?

'Yes'

'I bloody didn't'
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:53, closed)

Two nuns
Were driving along a dark road late at night when a vampire jumps out in front of them causing the driving nun to slam on the brakes. Trembling she turned to the other nun and said "quick show him your cross" So the other nun leant out the window and screamed

"Get out of the fucking road you cunt"
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:56, closed)

I can.
What do vampires use tampons for?

Teabags

There once was a vampire called Mabel
Whose periods were rather unstable
So every full moon, she'd pick up a spoon
And drink herself under the table
(gamefanatic666, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 15:02, closed)

What did the lesbian vampire say to her girlfriend?
See you next month
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 7 Aug 2008, 15:03, closed)