Bad morning...
Not mine, but too good not to repeat.

Act 1
Scene 1: Rachel meets her man in the pub and brings him home.

I was out one night and met this lovely guy. We hit off and after a many beers & drunken snogs ended up back at my place. Sex ensued long into the night and I woke up in the morning with a massive hangover and an empty bed. I lay in the bed for a while mulling over the nights events and the fact he hadn't event bothered to say goodbye. Just then I heard a rattle of keys at the door and someone come in. Given that I lived alone I felt a shudder of panic rush through my body as I shouted out a rather hopeful 'hello?'. The hope being that someone may just answer with something like, "Oh...I must have the wrong house. I actually live upstairs, Bye" or the even more hopeful "Don't worry, I'll just let myself out. I've decided not to rob your anymore. Do you know anywhere local I can pray?".

The panic soon dissipated as the guy I'd shagged the night before answered, "Hi, I just popped out the to shop to get some milk for coffee and a few bit for a breakfast". Phew, instant relief. I wasn't being robbed and the guy hadn't just left without saying goodbye.

I heard his footsteps come towards the room and I did a quick glance towards the mirror to see how I looked. God, I looked rough. He walked in and immediately I clocked his face. Something wasn't quite right. He had a browny red stain around his mouth and across his chin. With his stubble now poking through his skin I remember thinking for the briefest of moments that he looked like a strawberry.

He walked towards the bed to kiss me good morning, but his walk slowed as he got closer. He could see the look of sheer embarrassment creeping across my face as I realisation of what had happened dawned on me. I'd come back from the pub and in my drunken state I'd forget I was ON and he'd feasted on my bloodied nether regions! This mans face was covered in my blood and he'd gone to the shop. Not my finest moment, but certainly one I'll never forget.

/End
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 15:26, 2 replies)

Oh my God
thank you for that mental image... the poor sod.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 7 Aug 2008, 15:34, closed)

if he was very, very lucky
the shopkeeper will have thought that he was sprouting a ginger beard...
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Aug 2008, 18:51, closed)