the fear
once broke up with a girl in a park at 10pm and thus decided i needed a drink. i proceeded to a cosy little place in stoke newington for a nice pint. had one and was confronted by closing time, so i trundled down the road to a late bar where i met a friend and her two female cousins from canada. the four of us raised it up proper until 2amish when the bar closed. this is where it goes downhill. i remember a mexican guy ('tis a latinesque bar) invited me and friends for a spliff outside. next i remember walking down the street hours later in the direction of home with a very jolly african man talking about how we were both "true men of love" but women would never understand.
around 11am that morning i awake feeling cold, hungover and for some reason falling forwards onto my face. it's about this point i realise i'm on the doorstep of my now ex girlfriend and she's opening the door against which my face is pressed. next i remember is waking up again sometime later on her sofa minus my trousers. she's washing them cos there was puke all down one leg (but strangely only from the knee downwards...). she tells me that when she found me on the doorstep i was babbling incomprehensibly about "shopping centre" and "taxi".
after sometime i began to piece it together as best i could. the evidence was that there was approx £30 missing from my wallet, my phone was gone and my camera was trashed. plus the mystery of the taxi and shopping centre.
i reckon i'd walked halfway home and come to the local shopping centre. i was either mugged and put into or just got a cab and blurted out the ex's address drunkenly. i think i was sick in the back of the cab; hence the vomit being only from the knee downwards. cab driver gets pissed off and fleeces me for 3 times the cab's worth (£30) and probably helps himself to my phone. and then dumps outside my ex's (later a neighbour said they saw me lying on the pavement at 9ish). the camera is still a mystery; you'd need a hammer to do the damage done to it!
the best bit is when i went to report my phone 'stolen' to the police with a very elaborate cover story just to get the insurance their computer broke down and it was all done by hand; but the officer forgot to ask my name, address and phone number!
maybe that's a future question: have you ever lied to the police and got away with it? ;P
sorry this was so long!
( ginmakesamanmean Few and far between, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 9:22, Reply)