Alzheimer's
Wet-chinned bag shanker's link below reminded me of my Nan. This happened about halfway between the conversation at the hospital where she didn't know who the Prime Minister was and the end, when my Nan was still able to live at home, albeit with the support of relatives who lived nearby. Due to living in London I'd not seen her for a while and my Mum had warned me that she had good days and bad days so I was prepared for the worst but when she opened the door she burst into a big smile and said "Oh, it's you!", gave me a big hug and took me into the living room for tea and biscuits.

We had a long conversation - she was very lucid about things that had happened years ago and she told me all about how she had met my grandad, her first job sewing at the clothes factory - and then the conversation turned to holidays she'd had. She talked a lot about Spain, as she and my grandad used to go out there all the time, but ultimately decided that her favourite country was Scotland. Then she got serious for a moment, touched my arm and said that she really wanted to go to Scotland again before she died.

I knew that she wouldn't be able to go to Scotland again, besides the Alzheimer's she had a number of other health issues and was physically very frail, so I tried to offer an alternative - rather than the mountains of Scotland, would she settle for visiting her sister who lived in the mountains of Wales, which were much closer and (just) possible to visit in a day? And after thinking about it, she said that she'd like that just as much.

I said my goodbyes and went back to London soon after. It was about three days later when my Mum rang. We talked a bit about my Nan and she said, "I shouldn't laugh, but she keeps coming out with these stories and some of them are hilarious. What's the name of that song, 'I been talking to Jesus' and all that?"
"Uh, Genesis? Has she gone all Phil Collins?"
"Well, I went round today and she was sitting with the Bible out, reading it. You know she's never been religious much and she said she was mostly reading the dedications written by members of the family over the years in the front pages, but she said she'd got it out because she'd been talking to Jesus."
"Uh, right?"
"Yes, she said that Jesus had been to visit her and that they'd had a long talk and everything was sorted out."
"Oh."
"Apparently Jesus was very nice but he said that she couldn't go to Scotland before she died."
"Ah."
"But then she said Jesus had told her that she could go to Wales."
"Oh. Um. Mum, there's something I need to tell you about Jesus."
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 20:58, 13 replies)

:(

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 21:02, closed)

You're just jealous that he's a more convincing Jesus than you.

and - *click*
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 21:17, closed)

Fucking hell.
He's now got a Messiah complex.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 21:15, closed)

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 21:26, closed)

Truly, this man was the son of God

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Fri 22 Mar 2013, 8:23, closed)

Like some kind of self-appointed, spastic internet referee, I feel obliged to step in here and say I quite like this story.

( 4Q just lurking, Fri 22 Mar 2013, 0:47, closed)

^ ruining b3ta ^

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 22 Mar 2013, 11:43, closed)

The poor old bat.
Everyone knows Jesus wasn't a creepy prick with a Ned's Atomic Dustbin haircut and a balloon on his head. It's so sad when the elderly lose their last shreds of dignity. I mean FFS she was actually pleased to see you. So sad. RIP nan x
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Mar 2013, 8:30, closed)

I am Jesus

...at least, I am in a book. I modelled for the illustrator, who was a mate of mine.

The book was for the American market, so all over the Bible Belt, Christians are looking at me and praying. I like to think that some of them cut the page out and put it on the wall. It would be fun to be recognised...


(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 22 Mar 2013, 11:32, closed)

You have my sympathy for your disproportionally short legs.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 22 Mar 2013, 11:42, closed)

We all have our cross to bear...

(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 22 Mar 2013, 12:38, closed)

Hahaha
That's awesome :)
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 22 Mar 2013, 11:51, closed)

this pleases me

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 23 Mar 2013, 17:16, closed)