Breakin' The Law'I'd taken some mushrooms in a pub,' writes Allen Smithee, 'and things had got a bit odd. People turning into goblins, barstools into toadstools etc. I wandered off from my friends and found myself in a carpark. I noticed a huge liquorice allsort driving towards me and Bertie Basset got out. I kinda realised that Bertie was a policeman and my brain went into paranoid fast forward. I decided that I must be being arrested and said, "I'll just get in the back of your car, Officer" Bertie looked at me with disgust, "Not bleeding likely sunshine. Just piss off home ok?"'
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rob, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:34)
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I spent about a year as a PostmanEvery morning, about 4.30am I 'd set off to walk the 4 miles or so into the sorting office in Coventry city centre.
Every now and again (it happened about a dozen times) the plod would stop me and ask me what I was doing.
Bearing in mind I'm in full postie uniform and carrying a Big Red Sack I'd have thought it fairly obvious.
On the last occasion it happened I'd had a bad night and wasn't in the best of moods.
Cock in a cop car followed me for about 200 yards before pulling alongside.
"Oy ! You mate. Mind telling me where you're going at this time of the morning ?"
"Sorry Officer, but you've heard of Female Impersonators ? Well I'm a Royal Mail Impersonator"
"You What ?"
"I like to dress up in a Postie uniform and walk around the streets in the early hours."
"Are you taking the piss ?"
"You Fucking started it !"
Needless to say I got nicked !
In the car :
"You are under arrest for impersonating an employee of the Crown, anything you say etc........ Do you have anything to say ?"
"Yes - Ouch ! Ouch ! Bastard Coppers, Stop Hitting Me ! - Now, write that down !"
Got a laugh down the station and I got a morning off work.
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The Mighty Gusset Doesn't Care - And Doesn't Care Who Knows It !, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 12:47,
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