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This is a question Breakin' The Law

'I'd taken some mushrooms in a pub,' writes Allen Smithee, 'and things had got a bit odd. People turning into goblins, barstools into toadstools etc. I wandered off from my friends and found myself in a carpark. I noticed a huge liquorice allsort driving towards me and Bertie Basset got out. I kinda realised that Bertie was a policeman and my brain went into paranoid fast forward. I decided that I must be being arrested and said, "I'll just get in the back of your car, Officer" Bertie looked at me with disgust, "Not bleeding likely sunshine. Just piss off home ok?"'

(, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:34)
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Climbing the walls
There's a few police-oriented stories from my younger days. I think this was one of the sillier ones ...

Living in The City, good mate staying with us, it's 2am-ish, we've had a fair bit to drink, and run out of fags. So, mate and I walk to local all-night garage, via Moorgate - where a lot of the buildings have facades made of big square blocks. Blocks which make them look very easy to climb. So, obviously...

There I am, 25 foot up an office wall, mate at the bottom looking upward, when a passing police car slows down to see what he's up to (we were long haired, leather jacket people in those days, so probably looked a bit suspicious). Pulls up, has conversation with mate (never did find out what he said). Mate points in random direction, and walks off.

Police car does not leave for another 2 minutes. Meanwhile, I'm clinging on to this wall for dear life hoping that none of them decide to look up. Luckily, they never did.

My fingers were hurting, though.
(, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 13:14, Reply)

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