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This is a question Breakin' The Law

'I'd taken some mushrooms in a pub,' writes Allen Smithee, 'and things had got a bit odd. People turning into goblins, barstools into toadstools etc. I wandered off from my friends and found myself in a carpark. I noticed a huge liquorice allsort driving towards me and Bertie Basset got out. I kinda realised that Bertie was a policeman and my brain went into paranoid fast forward. I decided that I must be being arrested and said, "I'll just get in the back of your car, Officer" Bertie looked at me with disgust, "Not bleeding likely sunshine. Just piss off home ok?"'

(, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:34)
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so we're up in Manchest-a
for a weekend of susbtance abuse and reaching for the lasers. Saturday morning and I'm going home early because of my anally-retentive (now ex) girlfriend disapproving of my choice of friends. In a bid to prove to her that I wasn't taking Damon Hills all weekend I am sat on the train two hours after leaving the club chugging on gallons of OJ and repairing my face with lip balm. (It worked by the way).

My mates meanwhile are sat home with spliffs, poppers, vodka and decide to go to the park. Not the one down the road, but the one in Stockport. "Pete" as only sober one of the crew offers to drive "Harry"'s car for them and is cruising nicely along within the 40mph limit, wary of the various spannered clubbing casualties lining his back seat swigging from the vodka bottle attracting attention. "Fred" pipes up "Stop driving like an old woman" so "Pete" puts his foot down - 5 seconds later the blue flashing lights are in the rear view and "Harry"'s PartyWagon is pulled over.

You should receive 3 points for speeding and a further 6 for driving without insurance, plus a hefty fine, so "Pete" is pretty worried. When it comes to getting a court date, however, Greater Manchester police screw up countless times it takes a year to get to court. "Pete" and "Harry" turn up suited and booted, with a signed letter from "Harry"'s dad who happened to have been knighted several years before, stating that they had called him that day to enquire whther the insurance policy covered invited guest drivers, which he said he believed was the case.

The fact that "Harry" wrote this himself and there actually was no insurance policy whatsoever on the car didn't seem to matter at all. A combination of the police charging "Pete" with two seperate charges rather than one combined one (this is illegal btw), "Pete" clearly being the only sober one and therefore responsibly offering to chaffeur for the others and "Harry"'s amazing piece of perjury they get off with just the fine(?!).

The best bit was the original letter written by "Harry"'s dad, that simply said "Son, don't let those nazi coke-head bastrad rozzers win, Signed Sir Harry's Dad, Knight of the British Empire". It arrived on the morning of the trial, causing two hours of pant-brickage for "Pete" and "Harry". Daddy has pulled many pranks of his own in his time, and obviously wanted his youngest to learn the hard way - ie you do the crime you do the time, sunshine.

Sorry for the essay - first post got excited
(, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 16:17, Reply)

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