Breakin' The Law'I'd taken some mushrooms in a pub,' writes Allen Smithee, 'and things had got a bit odd. People turning into goblins, barstools into toadstools etc. I wandered off from my friends and found myself in a carpark. I noticed a huge liquorice allsort driving towards me and Bertie Basset got out. I kinda realised that Bertie was a policeman and my brain went into paranoid fast forward. I decided that I must be being arrested and said, "I'll just get in the back of your car, Officer" Bertie looked at me with disgust, "Not bleeding likely sunshine. Just piss off home ok?"'
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rob, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:34)
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Not me, my sisters old best-ish mate (oooh, tenuous.)A few years back now this bloke called Waspy (most charming and jammiest bloke I've ever met) got pulled for speeding. How does he get away with it?
"There's really no point, I'm speeding because I'm late for court. They're about to take my licence off me anyway."
Being the jammy bastard he is, they let him procceed. Thing is, he actually was on his way to court, where he actually was about to get his licence taken off him for speeding (last 3 points on his licence.)
So the judge asks him his version of events - why was he speeding? Waspy reels off this whole story about how he'd met some blonde Sweedish lass in Berwick (oop norf) and had ended up offering to drive her back to Stocksfield, a good hour+ away. So he's pulled up outside her house, she gives him a kiss on the cheek, gets out, walks to her house and closes the door behind her. He got pulled for speeding on his way back.
"Two bloody hours and all I got was a peck on the cheek your honour."
The git gets let off again! Final words from the judge; "I'm letting you off this once, but in future please be wary of Sweedish girls."
(, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 20:22, Reply)
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