Breakin' The Law'I'd taken some mushrooms in a pub,' writes Allen Smithee, 'and things had got a bit odd. People turning into goblins, barstools into toadstools etc. I wandered off from my friends and found myself in a carpark. I noticed a huge liquorice allsort driving towards me and Bertie Basset got out. I kinda realised that Bertie was a policeman and my brain went into paranoid fast forward. I decided that I must be being arrested and said, "I'll just get in the back of your car, Officer" Bertie looked at me with disgust, "Not bleeding likely sunshine. Just piss off home ok?"'
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rob, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:34)
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Homeless (Im not)I'm not the sharpest dressed or best presented clean shaven bloke in the world, and my memory is really shit. I often go shopping and forget where I've gone, what I need, which way a shop is, so I often stop for 4-5 minutes at a time to run through things in my head and try to remember what I was doing.
I've been moved on by police on no less han 5 occasions in the past few months. "Sorry mate, you can't stop here". But on the upside, once or twice I've got a pound coin pressed into my hand by some random stranger.
I also frequently forget what I'm doing inside shops - especially food shops. I spend a few minutes puzzling over things, then when I move away I notice from then on I am constantly tailed by the security, talking in their radios. Happens every bloody time in Tesco Metro.
Maybe its time to buy some new clothes.
I bet you are glad you read my exciting essay on my daring encounters with the fuzz now, eh!
(, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 15:47, Reply)
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