Breakin' The Law'I'd taken some mushrooms in a pub,' writes Allen Smithee, 'and things had got a bit odd. People turning into goblins, barstools into toadstools etc. I wandered off from my friends and found myself in a carpark. I noticed a huge liquorice allsort driving towards me and Bertie Basset got out. I kinda realised that Bertie was a policeman and my brain went into paranoid fast forward. I decided that I must be being arrested and said, "I'll just get in the back of your car, Officer" Bertie looked at me with disgust, "Not bleeding likely sunshine. Just piss off home ok?"'
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rob, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:34)
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Close call for tokers.In my final year at college, I lived in a room on the ground inside the main entrance arch, opposite the porter's lodge. Myself an two friends had spent several hours relaxing with a large amount of high-quality resin one evening when one announced that she was going home.
Three minutes later I had a phone call from the friend who had just left in a state of total panic.
"I don't want to freak you guys out," she said, "but there are more police officers than I have ever seen in the Porter's lodge."
Assuming she was overreacting, I opened my door a crack and looked out. Sure enough, there were at least nine coppers in the lodge and under the arch, barely two or three metres from my front door.
My friend and I went into a spasm of sheer terror and crashed about my room concealing drugs and related paraphenalia. But the air still reeked of dope, so we emptied a whole can of air-freshener into the atmosphere and switched the CD in the player from Dr Greenthumb to Beethoven.
In a state of intense paranoia and breathing air heavy with class-b narcotics and Autumn Glade, we sat there in dead silence for at least two hours, listening to the Beethoven, waiting for the knock.
The knock never came. It turned out an escaped convict had been sighted in one of the gardens. The Pastoral Symphony still causes flashbacks.
(, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 17:50, Reply)
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