I had been seeing a girl for about 2 weeks
She had bought some horrible reptile pet that I was feigning an interest in. The pet was on the floor at the side of the bed. I was knelt down by its enclosure. She was laid on the bed, on her side, with her head resting on her hand so she could see.

And then without so much as a flinch, she raised her leg and let out a massive fart.

From that point I was calculating the most efficient way to get the fuck out of there.

This story is 100% true.

Length? About 3 seconds, and then a quick one at the end.
(Frample Tromwibbler climbs an obstacle like old people fuck, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 19:15, 20 replies)

Hahaha you shagged a greebo you fucking disgrace.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 19:37, closed)

I went to uni with a Chinese girl who had a pet snake.
Never heard her fart. Mind you I never saw her eat either, so one probably led to the other.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 19:44, closed)

Holy fuck you shagged Ding?
Stuj will be FURIOUS.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 19:46, closed)

There are plenty more golden-bummed goddesses to go around, more than enough for all of us.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 19:49, closed)

I AM FURIOUS BRAYN!
:(
HUN DAN!
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 15 Sep 2013, 3:47, closed)

This isn't a story.
Why do so few folk on here understand what a story is? Education education education.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 20:13, closed)

get with the times old man
1. An account or recital of an event or a series of events, either true or fictitious, as:
a. An account or report regarding the facts of an event or group of events: The witness changed her story under questioning.
b. An anecdote: came back from the trip with some good stories.
c. A lie: told us a story about the dog eating the cookies.
(Frample Tromwibbler climbs an obstacle like old people fuck, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 21:02, closed)

girl farts
Not a story. Not a remark. Barely a fucking sentence.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 21:20, closed)

But if you can fart girls
Well that's news
(unclestinky, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 22:13, closed)

I dropped a proper Sigourny Weaver earlier.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 22:39, closed)

Did it end up decapitating Ian Holm?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 23:16, closed)

A what?
Oh, sorry. Carry on.
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 10:20, closed)

A woman farted near you?
Dear god, if my Mrs ever farted near me I would instantly turn gay with disgust.
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 21:05, closed)

Promises, promises.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sat 14 Sep 2013, 19:07, closed)

Nonsense!
Girls don't fart.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Sat 14 Sep 2013, 1:19, closed)

worst Cure cover ever

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 14 Sep 2013, 1:33, closed)

jeeeeesus
it's not like she held you down and farted in your face. She passed some gas for fuck sake. MTFU. Headline GIRLS FART TOO

Mrs Duck has farted in bed and held my head under the duvet, now that's classy
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Sun 15 Sep 2013, 14:17, closed)

you nancy
my missus couldn't hold me down without a nail gun and winch straps
(alright alright, Sun 15 Sep 2013, 14:35, closed)

I bow to your manly brawn
but it was more duvet moving than stuffing my head under

as I said classy :D
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 10:07, closed)

did she do that
Within 2 weeks of meeting you?
(Frample Tromwibbler climbs an obstacle like old people fuck, Sun 15 Sep 2013, 16:30, closed)