Broke it off with a ginger bird....
When I was young and not very good looking, (still not) I didn't quite have my pick of the girls. It was thus I came to be seeing Emma. She was my dark teenage secret... Think Linda out of Gimme Gimme Gimme. She took my virginity - well not quite, as I was about 14 I hadn't developed the right technique to deal with the "bigger lady", the first few times were in her arse - but I digress.

After a while it came time to treat her to the Spanish archer, and give her the el-bow. She didn't react too well, saying "If you dump me, I'll tell your mum that we've had sex!" As they hadn't met, I called her bluff and told her to do one. A couple of days later I was walking through town with mumsie, who I should point out was a bit of a social hand grenade. Fat ginger comes storming over and starts shouting. "Your son dumped me and I think you should know that we had sex!" The whole. Street. Stopped. There was deathly silence for a second. WHACK! I get a back hander from mum straight across the face.
"How could you have sex with that?!" "Look at it! LOOK AT IT!"
Problem solved I guess.
(sunray18, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 16:21, 9 replies)

Click for social hand grenade
Nicely written.
(SimianKid internet faffer, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 17:12, closed)

Useful for clearing rooms
...of enemy combatants and their hostages.
(squigbobble existed, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 17:36, closed)

You don't happen to work for a company with the initials FM? I know someone else who uses that phrase.
Private message me if you do or don't.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 17:53, closed)

It's
Not me.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 16:22, closed)

This almost certainly, definitely happened.
I quite like it.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 19:00, closed)

That was mum through and through
This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to her though!
(sunray18, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 19:12, closed)

Sounds like she had her head on straight when it came to raising you.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 19:44, closed)

was she talking to you or the ginger bird?

(alright alright, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 19:51, closed)

We has a winner...
*click*

But agreeing with AB goes against the grain....
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:33, closed)